Keepabuzz

I hadn’t looked up my wife’s former AP on social media in more than a year. I had only done it maybe once every few months before that just to keep tabs on where he was working, etc. I honestly thought I never would again. Until yesterday. I just had a sudden, strong urge to look. No suspicions. Nothing like that, just a strong urge to do it, so I did. He has put on like 60LBS!   He’s a big tub of goo!  😂😂😂 Also he is now engaged to a fairly unattractive woman. 😂😂😂. Literally made my week!   I hope his Karma continues to get worse. Hopefully others can feel some joy through this post!

Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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Skelling
I am glad you got some sort of satisfaction. I am at 2 years and I am not proud to say, that I still look somewhat frequently at her social media profile. Maybe hoping for Karma...She recently changed her profile picture and has a ton of comments on how beautiful she is inside and out, makes me want to vomit. And although beauty is relative, I can't help but compare myself. I know there are beautification, alterations whatnot being used but I never saw this woman in person so don't know how much of this is her true face, what I know is that from the inside she def is not as beautiful. 
Maybe my personal pride plays a part in that or my insecurity or whatever but seeing her pretty picture, her seemingly carefree life...., it bothers me and it hurts me and I have no one but myself to blame because I am the one looking at it, comparing myself still to her, asking how the heck she was able to inject herself in my world in such a short time....oh I wish some of that pain on her...., but more desperately I wish this pain would stop for me.
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BlindCheetah
There is nothing public that tells me anything about what’s going on in either APs lives. But I make up some tragic stories in my daydreams. My favorite is that AP2 gets another DWI and catches COVID in jail and no one takes her symptoms seriously.

Female BS
Married 19 years 
2 tween girls

DDay 10/2019 
Affair 1, 11/2010 to 2/2011
Affair 2, 6/2019 to 12/2019 - Persistent One is still trying to contact him. 

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FanofMike2020
Keepabuzz:

After reading your post, I was elated for you.  I know it’s not nice to say, but in the back of my mind I was thinking that I hope his fiancée/future wife does to him what he did to you.  It would serve him right.  Like I said, I know it’s not nice to think that way, but after what he put you through, it fits the quote, “Revenge is a dish best served cold.”  Just saying.
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Greyes128

Keepauzz that’s awesome!!! My husband’s ex AP has also gained weight and I laughed my booty off when I saw her picture. She cut her hair the way mine was a few years ago and named her baby (who from I’ve heard still isn’t sure about who the father is) the same name that my daughter has! My husband said she was so jealous of me. I never believed it but after seeing that I’m a believer! Lol

karma can keep messing with her!

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Keepabuzz
Keepabuzz:

After reading your post, I was elated for you.  I know it’s not nice to say, but in the back of my mind I was thinking that I hope his fiancée/future wife does to him what he did to you.  It would serve him right.  Like I said, I know it’s not nice to think that way, but after what he put you through, it fits the quote, “Revenge is a dish best served cold.”  Just saying.


I for sure hope and pray she does, but I hope she waits until they are years into their marriage, and hopefully BEFORE kids. I don’t want to see any children hurt, but him 100000%!
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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Keepabuzz
Greyes128 wrote:

Keepauzz that’s awesome!!! My husband’s ex AP has also gained weight and I laughed my booty off when I saw her picture. She cut her hair the way mine was a few years ago and named her baby (who from I’ve heard still isn’t sure about who the father is) the same name that my daughter has! My husband said she was so jealous of me. I never believed it but after seeing that I’m a believer! Lol

karma can keep messing with her!




Keep the Karma train rollin’.  TOOOT TOOOOT!!!  😂😂😂
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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ThrivenotSurvive
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Not only am I happy for you - I am happy for his ex-wife.  Hopefully she is looking and feeling great by now and well on her way to living an amazing life without him. 

It's funny that you looked him up.  I found myself doing that recently with the OW rather out of the blue - and similarly it wasn't due to any bad feeling - just a weird rash of curiosity.  Probably too much time on our hands due to COVID. 

While I can honestly say I don't wish her misfortune (anymore) - and on my best days I even hope she finds a way to be happy (because unhappy people spread it like a disease), I can't say that the mean girl part of me doesn't get some satisfaction that she's still alone 4 years later and also put on a few.  It's always a battle whether my inner saint or sinner comes out to play when thinking about her, which is pretty rare these days.  But I can honestly say, my inner sinner had a GOOD belly laugh when reading your post - and a smile I haven't been able to wipe off since... 🙂
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child
DD May 2016

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl
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ThrivenotSurvive
Skelling wrote:
I am glad you got some sort of satisfaction. I am at 2 years and I am not proud to say, that I still look somewhat frequently at her social media profile. Maybe hoping for Karma...She recently changed her profile picture and has a ton of comments on how beautiful she is inside and out, makes me want to vomit. And although beauty is relative, I can't help but compare myself. I know there are beautification, alterations whatnot being used but I never saw this woman in person so don't know how much of this is her true face, what I know is that from the inside she def is not as beautiful. 
Maybe my personal pride plays a part in that or my insecurity or whatever but seeing her pretty picture, her seemingly carefree life...., it bothers me and it hurts me and I have no one but myself to blame because I am the one looking at it, comparing myself still to her, asking how the heck she was able to inject herself in my world in such a short time....oh I wish some of that pain on her...., but more desperately I wish this pain would stop for me.


@Skelling  

I know you know this, but I will reiterate it anyway.  What people show on social media reflects what they WANT you to see.  I am a fairly integrated person, pretty happy with myself and my life - therefore my life is reflected pretty truthfully online (when I choose to share it).  Some pictures are glamorous and show me looking my best, others show me camping with not a stitch of makeup and looking as pale as you might imagine a redhead with no make-up looks.  

But I have found that those with the glossiest of social media profiles belong generally to the most insecure among us.  In it, they create the version of themselves they WISH they were.  About 5-6 years ago - not long before DD, I discovered my daughter had developed an eating disorder.  She was regularly "dreaming" of suicide but couldn't bear to disappoint me and her dad.  She was at about the lowest point in her young life.  And guess what?  She had almost 10,000 Instagram followers because her life looked AMAZING.  Her followers thought she represented an ideal they could never achieve.  She is beautiful, no doubt, but she also photoshopped out the circles due to malnutrition and pictures were carefully structured to show how JOYFULLY she was living.  It was all a HUGE lie.  She hated herself and on her first therapy appointment when the therapist asked her what she liked about herself she couldn't think of anything.  When the woman wouldn't let it go, the only thing she could come up with was, "I am kind to animals."  Luckily, she has come a LONG way and is actually doing really well mentally and physically now. 

But she is by no means the exception, but rather the rule.  In the year after DD, I also found myself posting more than I ever had - and making sure I looked amazing.  It was a sad effort to prop up my ailing self-confidence.  

Her social media is nothing.  It's Wizard of Oz standing behind the curtain hoping no one thinks to look behind it.  And frankly, half the people that used to comment on my posts about how "beautiful" I was (inside and out) didn't know me at all - or in such a surface way that it meant nothing. She knows who she is - and what she's done.  She can't escape that no matter what anyone tells her. 

Consider this - how many times have you been told how beautiful you are?  And as you've shared, you struggle with low self-esteem.  What other people say (especially the NICE things) don't typically impact us at all - not in anything but the most superficial of ways.  It is how we see ourselves and the value we place on who we are that makes us feel truly good.  That is why fixing and healing their relationship with themselves should be the single most important thing to every BS - long before they worry at all about the marriage.  It is the key to happiness. 
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child
DD May 2016

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl
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AnywhereButHere
Thanks, Keep. Nice to know others out there lookup their spouse's AP on social media.
BH, 5+ Mo EA, DDay 3/8/18
"...regarding all as God after God."
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BlindCheetah
I’m actually blocked on AP2’s main FB account, she has at least 3. She couldn’t handle our one conversation.
 
As I photographer I absolutely hate the over filtered unrealistic photos all over social media. People are so used to hiding under filters they can’t appreciate their own unique beauty.  

Female BS
Married 19 years 
2 tween girls

DDay 10/2019 
Affair 1, 11/2010 to 2/2011
Affair 2, 6/2019 to 12/2019 - Persistent One is still trying to contact him. 

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hurting
This is hilarious and PERFECT!! I’m snickering just picturing what this guy looks now haha

re: social media and its portrayal of people in the light they want to be seen in thing... I’m actually quite glad now that I have no social media to post on. Deleted it all post d-day because the AP wouldn’t stop harassing me on it, and so glad I did. Sure I miss out on some invites and other people having babies and whatnot, but I actually feel it’s healthier for me to not worry about any of it or how I look! If I want to share a picture with my friends/family, I will send it individually. Makes things so much more real.. and personal. Because really, the majority of my ‘friends’ on Facebook were people I would never even talk to. 
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Experiencethedevine29
Keepabuzz wrote:

I hadn’t looked up my wife’s former AP on social media in more than a year. I had only done it maybe once every few months before that just to keep tabs on where he was working, etc. I honestly thought I never would again. Until yesterday. I just had a sudden, strong urge to look. No suspicions. Nothing like that, just a strong urge to do it, so I did. He has put on like 60LBS!   He’s a big tub of goo!  😂😂😂 Also he is now engaged to a fairly unattractive woman. 😂😂😂. Literally made my week!   I hope his Karma continues to get worse. Hopefully others can feel some joy through this post!



Thats awesome Keep! 

Unfortunately the shagnasty himself was knocking off hides away from public places (so nasty it has to stay out of the light) so I can’t say I know what it looks like now, but there are moments when I’d like to know...

No matter Keep, seeing the f*cknugget looking like an ooompah loompah put a nice big cheesy grin on your chops chummy!. That’s priceless! 👍

ETD 🌻

Expectation is the root of all heartache.. ’Will Shakespeare
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JORGE
Quote:
He has put on like 60LBS! 

The moment I read this sentence, I immediately thought about your wife's choices and wondering if you'd get any satisfaction of showing her the picture and asking if she'd seen the 2020 version of the POS? 
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Skelling


@Skelling  

I know you know this, but I will reiterate it anyway.  What people show on social media reflects what they WANT you to see.  I am a fairly integrated person, pretty happy with myself and my life - therefore my life is reflected pretty truthfully online (when I choose to share it).  Some pictures are glamorous and show me looking my best, others show me camping with not a stitch of makeup and looking as pale as you might imagine a redhead with no make-up looks.  

But I have found that those with the glossiest of social media profiles belong generally to the most insecure among us.  In it, they create the version of themselves they WISH they were.  About 5-6 years ago - not long before DD, I discovered my daughter had developed an eating disorder.  She was regularly "dreaming" of suicide but couldn't bear to disappoint me and her dad.  She was at about the lowest point in her young life.  And guess what?  She had almost 10,000 Instagram followers because her life looked AMAZING.  Her followers thought she represented an ideal they could never achieve.  She is beautiful, no doubt, but she also photoshopped out the circles due to malnutrition and pictures were carefully structured to show how JOYFULLY she was living.  It was all a HUGE lie.  She hated herself and on her first therapy appointment when the therapist asked her what she liked about herself she couldn't think of anything.  When the woman wouldn't let it go, the only thing she could come up with was, "I am kind to animals."  Luckily, she has come a LONG way and is actually doing really well mentally and physically now. 

But she is by no means the exception, but rather the rule.  In the year after DD, I also found myself posting more than I ever had - and making sure I looked amazing.  It was a sad effort to prop up my ailing self-confidence.  

Her social media is nothing.  It's Wizard of Oz standing behind the curtain hoping no one thinks to look behind it.  And frankly, half the people that used to comment on my posts about how "beautiful" I was (inside and out) didn't know me at all - or in such a surface way that it meant nothing. She knows who she is - and what she's done.  She can't escape that no matter what anyone tells her. 

Consider this - how many times have you been told how beautiful you are?  And as you've shared, you struggle with low self-esteem.  What other people say (especially the NICE things) don't typically impact us at all - not in anything but the most superficial of ways.  It is how we see ourselves and the value we place on who we are that makes us feel truly good.  That is why fixing and healing their relationship with themselves should be the single most important thing to every BS - long before they worry at all about the marriage.  It is the key to happiness. 
  You are right I know this but its good and frankly necessary to hear it once in a while again 😉. I had deleted my fb after dday then after a while went to the opposite extreme and posting the best version of myself in hopes that if she stalked my profile or my husband's for that matter, she would see how happy we are, how good I looked and would grow green of jealousy. all that didn't bring any satisfaction, until I started to weed through my profile and only kept the people that I tried to stay in contact over the years via other means too, or people from my church or people who aided me in my healing. I started posting more real stuff, moments of real happiness or moments of real struggles and you are right the compliments about a nice profile pic or whatever, don't mean much to me, quite the contrary I still get embarrassed, when I am complimented either on my looks or on my marriage because deep down that little doubting voice still says, if they only knew... Well at one point I tried to stop being embarrassed about that I was cheated on I wasn't announcing it to the world but I also wasn't hiding it anymore. I felt because its such a hush hush topic, was the reason I felt so embarrassed and alone to begin with and maybe if I could change at least that part that someone else wouldn't have to be. That helped me to become more confident in myself and my story. For the first time ever in my life, I started to keep eye contact with people I meet, I don't turn away because I get embarrassed because I am starting to be more confident in myself. Unfortunately the whole self-esteem issue runs deep well before any infidelity so I have a long road ahead to keep working on myself. But I welcome people like you along the way to help me stay on path, to encourage me to focus on myself and what's in my control, when the little sinner inside gets a little too loud again. So thank you for that and sorry Keep for hijacking your post. 
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