PhoenixRising
Info: I am a betrayed wife.
Married: 11 years
Two kids: D-4yo, S-1yo

I am a stay at home mom because after we had our first child 4 years ago we decided together I should not work and just care for our children. I also became pretty sick after going back to work to see how it would go. It was during that time evidently that my husband was playing online poker and he "met" the OW. At first he said he just gave her financial advice. I am even sure that I played poker with them probably and responded to what I believed was an inappropriate comment once. But thought nothing of it really because my husband would never cheat on me.
Fast forward a year and we buy a condo close to his job and as we are moving in we have to leave our daughter upstairs when we go down to get a futon. She was just under 2 years and when we came back up she was pretty inconsolable. He said I should take her out to the car and I ignored him and said she would be fine. More time past and he gets right in her face and yells "SHFU" I take her then and drive back to our marital home an hour away. Here's where I messed up. I went back up there the next day, was there when he got home from work and he had a male prospective roommate with him. We chit chatted a little bit and then we went out to get dinner. It is then that I told him yelling a t a child like that is a form of abuse. He heard it as I called him a child abuser. I did not. But he said it was at that point that he kind of gave up because here he was out "saving the world" taking a job an hour and a half away from his family and that is the thanks and appreciation he gets.
By the way I did not hear any of his side of the story then. I just finally get this story 2 years later. After my sister in law is killed in an accident and oh by the way we get pregnant with our second child. He said he was going to encourage me to go back to work before we got pregnant but then he didn't because he was worried about the baby's and my health and didn't want me to have a miscarriage and then he didn't tell me anything because I was breastfeeding and then it was the holidays so he didn't want to ruin Christmas. He had however met the OW and stared their physical affair in October. He lost about 30 pounds, stopped going to the gym, got sick with some sort of throat infection (yeast infection I am assuming) which lasted for 3 months-ish. And then starts a conversation with me the day after Christmas about how he is not happy and his solution is we should get divorced and go about our own separate lives. He had 2 weeks off at Christmas so he thought this was the best time to tell me as he would be able to help with the kids because he knew I would be upset. I asked him point blank if he was having an affair. Of course he said no. When he went back to work on Jan 3rd I checked the cell phone records and saw that he was texting back and forth this one number 6000 times for the past couple months. I called him and told him what I found out. He then admitted it. I was devastated and my breastfeeding was shut down. Going to get an STD test was the most humiliating thing I have ever had to do and I was broken that day which happened to be on his birthday. I am in the meantime trying to hold it together for the kids sake. We have his birthday and a bunch more conversations that weekend and we had talked about going to go down to the condo that week but he ended up coming home several times instead. He had to work that weekend and we had talked but not confirmed that we would head up there for the weekend. I am sure he thought he could discourage us from going to the condo with a conversation. Well we never confirmed and when our daughter was finished with preschool we got packed up and went to the condo. In the meantime I texted him several times and did not get any response because he was out of reach of his phone. We arrive at the condo and open the door to the OW. My daughter myself and our son who is $ months old. OW says "hi" and I turn and say come on let's go to our daughter. She starts crying and says I want to see my daddy. My mind is racing. Not knowing what to do. It's crazy. I stupidly take a video of my daughter crying "I want my daddy" with my phone while I am driving down the road and send it to him. Not my finest decision. He was mad, met us for dinner and said he was fuming and I pretended I suppose to be calm and the kids and I went back to our main home. I get myself spun up over Saturday and tell him he is not allowed at our home and an intermediary will exchange the kids for us. Sunday he says I am being unreasonable and I insist then relent and tell him to come back home and we will talk but by that time he says that he will come get the kids and leave. OW leaves Sunday evening and he comes to get the Well that is what he did. I was hysterical and went to spend the evening at a friends house. The next day was hell and the worst day of my life and I worried about the kids so much. He said it was the worst day of his life as well but because he had the kids for the whole day by himself. He brought them home that night. Since then that has not happened again. He says we can be friends and co parents. I am sure in his fantasy we will all just get along.
Since then I enrolled in the Marrige Fitness program and I am conducting myself in a much more respectable manner. He goes on business trips and the OW is there. He does not initiate contact with the kids while he is away and I feel like I am maintain his relationship with them by pushing him to video chat with them. Otherwise our daily life is he goes to work for the week we follow him down to the condo a day or so later spend a few days and head back to our marital home and he comes back for the weekends. Except for this last week/weekend and upcoming week which was because she is at the condo.
We are planning on selling the condo and getting free of that mortgage debt. He will not tell me his plans for what he is going to do during the week. He is a pilot and does not really know his schedule until around 2 pm for the following day. He has been working at a closer location to home and says if he works at the further location for several days in a row he can just get a hotel. He also wants to get a 3rd car. It all seems very fishy to me. Selling the condo, not knowing where he will be staying, 3rd car. And on top of all that he has applied for pilot position out of TN so we might be moving!
I, for my part, have now lost over 40 pounds (some baby weight) and I look fricken fabulous! I am working out, I am being loving, kind, as agreeable as I can be, taking care of the kids, our small farm, trying to keep emotionally stable using EFT, reading several books and websites and praying as much as I can and with as much faith as I have. Some days I am Xena warrior princess!!! Some days I am a hot mess.
The kids are doing okay... I am trying to keep their lives really busy and fun especially when he is not here. Our daughter who is 4 is really saying "I miss my daddy" a lot this week and I keep saying "he loves you too". Our now 1 year old son gets so excited to see him even on video chat. It makes me so sad he is choosing this for our children. His own father left him at the airport when he was returning from college break one time because his wife at the time was tired and he said he would never choose anything over his children.
He has become unrecognizable in some of his actions. It is sad. I want to shake him and say "what the F#CK is wrong with you!!" But it will do no good. So I am trying to go about our lives and keep it all going. Which brings me back to the hysterical bonding because at least sex helps me to feel better and it relieves some of the pain and mental struggle I have. But I guess I should not spend my time worrying about what has not happened yet.
So there it is.
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