Adawehi35
It wasn't me that cheated. it was him. I'm not sure I'm getting 100% truth from him and I have tons of questions but feel guilty bringing it up  
He met her in San Diego at a work event. She lives in Arizona he lives in the midwest  They supposedly only talked about work stuff when they met along with a few other people in the same network. he then bought a second phone to talk to her 3 months later. he said he bought it Sept 1st. He said he told her he couldn't talk to her anymore 3 days before my birthday. I found the phone over a week later. I'm struggling with this.  My mind and heart are fighting with each other. This happened right before Thanksgiving. I want to ask more questions because I want the whole truth. He destroyed the phone so I couldn't look at it. I'm sure he left a lot ou . I'm positive he did. He said he liked the attention he was getting from her. That we had "drifted apart" I thought we were happy. We have been together 14 yrs.  Married only 2. No kids together  he has a son 16 yrs old. I need help with this.
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hurting
You should not feel guilty. You’re right- he is the cheater, not you. 

Is it really guilt you are struggling with, or are there other complicating emotions like fear of what you may find out? 

I would trust your gut. If your gut tells you there’s more, I would believe that any day over whatever your WS is claiming...

Perhaps making a list of your questions would help. It is so easy to be overwhelmed by the pain of the betrayal that it is incredibly difficult to keep all the things you know you want to ask or say in mind. That way, you can sit down with the list of questions and get him to answer them one by one?
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Adawehi35
Fear is probably on top of the list. I just don't know what is true when I ask. I feel like he will never be 100% honest with me.  

That's a good idea to write the questions down.  Thank you so much.  
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hurting
The feeling of not really knowing doesn’t really go away... unless we were there as a fly on the wall (and even if we had been), we would never truly know the extent of everything experienced or thought/felt by each of them. 

IMO it’s important to figure out which questions you NEED to know the answers to (because there will be some) and which do not help so much as serve to give you ptsd...
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GuyInPain
You may be feeling guilty because your WS is trying to make you feel guilty so that he can avoid having to talk about his infidelity and disclose more of the truth.  It's another version of gaslighting.  The tactics are common: 'Why can't you get over it?'  'You should be over it by now.'  'You're obsessed!'  Another WS tactic is to say they feel so bad, so why are you trying to make them feel worse?  My WS succeeded with these tactics for a long time – until I realized: No, you cheated.  You hurt me.  You need to own up to the full truth and answer all my questions.  Or else – not divorce, but a much less happy and satisfying relationship than I knew she wanted to have.  When I was really firm, she came around and things started on a healing trajectory.
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