The avoidance behavior, the sweeping things under the rug are hallmarks of a "nice guy" syndrome. If everything has the appearance of being perfect it will be. Unfortunately, it doesn't work.
By your man saying that you are trying to trap you in conversation is straight out bullsh*t. Période.
If the question was never directly asked, he would not have volunteered the information. Call a spade what it is, a spade.
I used to engage in this same behavior. Today I take great pains to be honest. It's just so much easier to be, even if it involves uncomfortable conversations..
Unfortunately I had to get into this mess to finally look at myself and make that change. Unfortunately I am reading that not a lot of WS make the effort to do that self examination.
Kal maybe you can give some
Insight here. Looking back was it almost like you we're in another world separated from Reality or what? I just had a dose of this this week. Last year during his affair our kids each had some health issues. One was more typical kids issue and one was a bit more concerning & needed medication for a time. Nothing huge thank god. He knew obviously as I was worried and stressed and dealing with it all and many appointments (which he couldn't attend because of extra "work" yep. That is super painful. Our kids medical appts! We're missed for the whore!) constantly talking about it and doing the "good wife" part by handling it all and keeping him informed. We talked about this stuff. He actually was involved in the discussions and participated. I know this. I remember this.
So shortly after separating these issues finally cleared up completely. At that time I was still begging for our family and the kids especially and was keeping him informed of anything concerning them (too much so to be honest he wasn't concerned and never asked about them sadly)
So this week he out of the blue starts asking questions about the kids. Including these health issues. Mind boggling he seems to remember nothing from last year or after we separated when we discussed these things. Like our one kid was on medication and he asked if she was still on it and I was flabbergasted and like um no remember in DECEMBER when I told you she didn't have to take it anymore??? Like what the h$ll! That was 8 months ago! The other child he was actually AT that dr with me concerning the timeline last year and yet now is like what ever happened with that??? I was actually shocked by this when I thought I couldn't be shocked anymore.
How do you not remember the life you we're living. And it hurt me deeply because I thought wow he really just didn't care about the kids when I was trying to keep him informed and hoping he would stay involved with them. I had assumed his disinterest was to hurt me or he was just so ashamed but I'm now just like wow you really we're that selfish that you didn't care to even retain this info about your kids health when I was giving it to you.
This is what I mean this is just scary to see. So kal I know you stayed involved in your child's life after dday but any insight here? I'm at a loss how one lives fully disconnected from reality and then seems to think No big deal I suddenly want to check back into it for a short visit. And of course this conversation ended badly when I expressed that he was told all this information & then I couldn't under stand why he was suddenly asking. He went victim mode and he was trying to be their dad again by asking 2 whole questions. And honestly didn't seem to know what to do with the info I gave him-no follow up questions or comments just oh ok. Still very detached from anything concerning them. Like he is not their father. It is bizarre.