Lula_Bell Show full post »
hurting
You are truly doing amazingly well. I’m sorry today was so tough on you. I promise you will feel better one day- you are managing so remarkably well as it is, despite the cruelty and idiocy that he seems hell bent on showing.

LAUGHING?! I would probably have tried to smack the smirk off his face if my WS had done that, before kicking his ass out. Good riddance that he is GONE. 

I sincerely hope that karma will give him a nice BIG kick up the backside soon. His behaviour is disgusting. But HE did this. Not you. Always remember, how he is choosing to act is on him. If he is choosing to behave like a prat (which he is), then that’s because HE can’t stand to act any other way. Because that would mean acknowledging that he is in the wrong, and would make him feel like the bad guy. He’s acting out and behaving like a moron because he is telling himself what he did was right (the truth is too hard to take!). His ‘reasons’ are pathetic, and he tried to make it all ‘your’ fault. HE is the one who is broken inside and has had to tell himself all kinds of untruths to make it easier for him to do these terrible things to you. 

What YOU are doing is behaving with dignity and grace, no matter how hard he is trying to drag you down. You are doing great. It will get better. Truly. 

Spend time here, pray, go for walks, spend time with your family and friends, go shopping for furniture and try to focus on whatever will distract you and make you feel better. Slowly, it will all help...
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Keepabuzz
Lila_Bell

You are showing SO much more class and restraint than to could have mustered. His behavior is only making it even more clear that you will be far better off with him out of your life. 
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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Experiencethedevine29
Lula_Bell wrote:
Well, it's over.  He moved the last of his personal items from the house this morning.  He came over on Wednesday to start the process and I helped.  We were able to come to agreement on some stuff re: the divorce and moving forward with that, which was good.  Afterwards I broke down completely and realized I can't see him anymore.  I have to set a boundary for my sanity.  He was laughing while he was going through his things and said "Sorry, I just find this amusing".  Who does that?!  It nearly set me over the edge.  I wasn't able to 180 it completely, more like 150...I said a few choice words before I could stop myself.  

So, anyway, after he left today I lost it again, even thought I didn't see him (my brother came over to help him move the big stuff).  My parents and sister-in-law are here now helping me cope.  I've just about lost all hope of moving on right now.  It's a day where I am just drowning in grief.  I think I've always held on to hope that he would wake up and we could make a go of it...but it just feels final today.  He's going on vacation next week with her, took a bunch of our camping gear.  They are going to my favorite place on earth, too.  I can't believe he is taking her to the place I love most, that he knows is special to me, that we have shared many happy memories together at.  It's a whole new kind of betrayal.  That bastard. 

The moral of the story is I'm very grateful for this place where I can share my burdens with people who KNOW.  You guys are the only ones in my life who truly understand all of this.  I've been lucky in life, that no one in my family or friends have gone through this.  Blessed, actually.  But, it means to a certain extent I am alone in this suffering.  So thanks for being here.  


im so sorry you’ve had a rough couple of days my lovely, it’s all so effing awful, and as everyone says, a roller coaster ride through hell...

As for HIM, WTF has he got to laugh about, the 🛎🔚...🙄 ...don’t see him anywhere on your own again, save yourself from all that scheisse and if you do have to see him at all, keep somebody with you.  Glad you’ve got family to support you, and listen, he might be taking her to places you love, but think of it this way, you’re FREE to do that WITHOUT that twat, and what a prize she’s got! 


Tomorrow might be better sweetie, chin up

ETD🌻
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ThrivenotSurvive
@Lula_Bell -

I am sorry the past few days have been so hard.  The next weeks and months will be a roller coaster.  There will be times when you begin to feel hopeful and start looking towards your future - and there will be others where it will feel like there is a pit you can't crawl out of.  Just know that those bad days won't last.  And they will eventually become fewer and fewer...

He may have been being a complete tool when he came over.  In order to feel "okay" about his choices he's probably built a big wall around his feelings for you.  But he may also just have the emotional maturity of a twelve year old - who OFTEN use laughter to discharge discomfort in tense situations (usually in entirely inappropriate situations).  No cruel intent - just an idiot who doesn't know how to handle the situation they've backed themselves into. 

Neither is a super attractive quality in a life partner. 

I find myself thinking about you and sending good thoughts and prayers your way often.  Stay strong and put all the love you used to pour into him, into yourself right now.  
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child
DD May 2016

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl
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anthro
"Sorry, I just find this amusing."
"No sweat, thanks for eliminating any lingering doubts." 
Formerly known as Anthropoidape... male bs, long affair, d-day Feb 2017.
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Lula_Bell
anthro wrote:
"Sorry, I just find this amusing."
"No sweat, thanks for eliminating any lingering doubts." 


I wish it were that easy, Anthro!!  I so wish I could just turn off the love and walk away from this pain. 
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Lula_Bell
Hey Friends,

Keep me in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow, the 6th.  It's our 14th anniversary, 15 years together, and I don't anticipate having a good day. 

That said, I am starting to have days that suck less than others and am beginning to look forward to some events in the future (like having my own place).  I also have a sense of freedom recently.  A few weeks back I offered forgiveness and grace and a way to not go down this path but he refused.  He wont leave her and wont see he has done anything wrong (still lying to his family about it being an affair).  And with that, having lived my faith, my heart, my convictions I felt free from obligation to keep trying to fix this, to keep holding on and to keep thinking this nightmare will all end and we'll be able to reconcile.  It will of course all end, but I'm done with reconciliation.  

So, moving forward in healing and in hope.  Life is better and worse, all at the same time. 

<3 you all! 
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Keepabuzz
Lula_Bell wrote:
Hey Friends,

Keep me in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow, the 6th.  It's our 14th anniversary, 15 years together, and I don't anticipate having a good day. 

That said, I am starting to have days that suck less than others and am beginning to look forward to some events in the future (like having my own place).  I also have a sense of freedom recently.  A few weeks back I offered forgiveness and grace and a way to not go down this path but he refused.  He wont leave her and wont see he has done anything wrong (still lying to his family about it being an affair).  And with that, having lived my faith, my heart, my convictions I felt free from obligation to keep trying to fix this, to keep holding on and to keep thinking this nightmare will all end and we'll be able to reconcile.  It will of course all end, but I'm done with reconciliation.  

So, moving forward in healing and in hope.  Life is better and worse, all at the same time. 

<3 you all! 


You owe him exactly nothing. Move forward in your new life free from abuse. 
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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hurting
Keeping you in my thoughts Lula! I pray the day is better than you expect and you find peace despite the trials you’ve been through.
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Lula_Bell
Three months today since DDay.  I've been in a funk all day and only just realized the timing.  Three months.  I feel like I've lived 100 years, 100 life times.  I've aged and changed so much, how can it only be three months?  Yet, nothing has really changed.  He's still with her, still blaming me, still lying to his family.  We are still getting divorced.  All our possessions have been sold, the house is for sale and I'm living with my parents.  It's still true to say I didn't know pain until now, didn't know what real loneliness was, or heartache that made you want to scream. 

But.

I've also learned some incredible truths, too.  I've learned how solid my family is.  More than once I've had to tap out and say I can't do this anymore.  They have stepped in and gotten the job done.  I've learned how true my friends are.  More than once I've put out the SOS and they have dropped everything to come to my side.  I've learned how deep the love of God is.  More than once, when at my darkest moments of self-hatred, a phone call or a text will come in, a favorite song on the radio or some other life line will happen just as I need it and I know it's from Him.

Time keeps moving forward and it's doing it's job.  I just wish it would speed up because I want to get on the other side of this death.   

(Side Note: thank you for the well wishes last month on our anniversary.  It was as awful as I thought it would be, but I made it through.  He took her on the camping trip we planned, I found out later.  I wish I could figure out how to stop loving that b*st*rd.  But then, I think of course I still love him.  15 years together deserves more than 3 months grieving.  If I stop loving him so soon, it only validates that our marriage was over long before his affair and I refuse to believe that.)
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hurting
I’m sorry for your suffering and the way he’s being an ass. What I can say, is that you are strong. You have held yourself with incredible grace. Being able to see the positives in such a sh!tty situation at such an early stage shows this. 

Look after yourself. The pain, loneliness, hurt anger... it will all pass.
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