Yep this is me. I knew my AP at work, sat in close proximity to him and a few others for about 6 years. I was friends with all of these people, who I spoke to and saw everyday. I guess some might say certain conversations were the start. Not about bad marriages or spouses, but about intimate things. The loss of a pregnancy by his wife, my very hard situation with one of the partners at the firm - who was acting inappropriately, which in turn caused a lot of stress in my marriage. We talked of our kids and kid stories often, how to get them to go to bed or eat vegetables. Was any of this wrong? I don't know. I have other close friends that are male that I know just as well and no problems at all. I did feel some attraction to him (he is undeniably a very good looking man) but that happens in life and it was no sort of driving desire.
The turning point for me was when he confessed attraction to me at a work function - alcohol involved. We spoke about it the next day and agreed we needed to act like responsible married people. This lasted about a month and half, with some glances and light flirting, but nothing else. All this did was really build up some feelings until we did get physical, kissing, and it went from there.
Affairs are awful things. And when you are married you have promised and committed to be loyal to one person. But humans want connection - and it is very hard to squash that when you find it, in fear it might go in the wrong direction. I remain confused about alot of this since i was just friends with this man for so long (as long as I have been married) before anything happened. And that base for a romantic relationship is pretty strong. Sometimes you do just fall for other people. Can you protect yourself from this? Im not sure. Still - choices are choices, and generating feelings for someone and acting on them are different.
I don't know if this was already covered but do you think you are or were really in love ? Only reason I am asking is because you were friends before and did share a lot and had that trust and respect for each other that you did share the family stories and have other friendly conversations. I'm just asking because a deep friendship can contain love towards your friends but not relationship love, after you decided to end the affair you expressed feelings of wanting this person more, Do you think it was or is because your more afraid of losing him as that friend whom you could share things with and have those friendly conversations? Before he expressed his feelings for you, you never had the thought of you guys being together cross your mind, so just like when we girls lose a girlfriend over stupid drama, do you feel you were mourning the loss of not having him.as a friend vs. Love intrest?
I am asking because I think this is where my husband is, he reconnected with a friend and 4 months after the reconnection they started getting physical, they didn't see each other often from what he says but after he told her last week he couldn't do this anymore he needed to figure out what he needed, he told me he didn't regret his desicion but the next day, it hit him, he wanted to see her and talk to her, and I thought u did talk to her but are you afraid you lost a friend vs. Love interest? Are you confusing that feeling?