Compassion, meaning im not lashing out, beating on him, or just going to his wife like the way my AP did. Besides, my kids felt that it would not be right for me to oust him out since I had an affair, but my oldest son, who is in CA, who came from his church knows the situation. He will talk to him this Saturday night to get him to admit willing and request that he confess to his deacons, wife, and the church.
My wife wanted me to keep it a secret since our pastor showed us compassion, love, care, concern and allowed us to stay at the church rather than kicking us out like he told my wife in their secret conversations. She calls him his special friend, the only that understands her, the one that really cares for her and I did not. The one that his marriage is broken and he said that he shared with my wife the most intimate secrets of their broken marriage that nobody else knew. I found out that my son knew about some of the problems they have been having over the last decade.
Now I get the anger the BS feels and see why every BS here is SO ANGRY and hurt. I know that I as the WS, what damaged I caused. I am determined to not let that anger control me and take over and react like my wife did. It gives me insight as to how she felt. I want to be there for her when she needs me and while I work on reconciliation: compassion towards her.
I think it's great that you can put compassion for them both in front of your sadness. I'm not saying you need to out him but I just feel that he thinks he has the upper hand. I understand he wants your marriage to work but the ideal thing to do is cease contact with you and most importantly your spouse. By texting you the way he did I feel he has no regard from your feelings and thinks he can conduct his life like nothing happened. I understand that he and your wife are in the thick of it right now and that they think life can continue as thier new normal. I don't think this is fair. Where is the compassion for you? I feel what they are doing is disrespectful, deceitful and lying to the church.
You are a great person for putting thier feelings first.