...It has only been 6 months since dday and I feel not enough time as passed for either of us in regard to trying to work on the relationship. And I feel that after only 6 months how do you really know you want a divorce. I told him I regretted filing and that I do not want the divorce and it was more of a reaction to him not reacting (which I know is immature) but feel I don't have any other choices. I can't want this marriage enough for both of us. He says that he hopes one day he can answer all my questions and give me the answers that I deserve. And, that he hopes one day we can be friends.
I am so lost and do not know what to do. I think that by me continuing to make contact with him is not the wrong thing to do. I am considering not initiating any further contact with him at all, and if he miraculously does contact me I will not respond. I guess this is the "no contact" thing I have been reading about. I know this will be very hard to do but maybe it is for the best at this point...
In regards to whether or not 6 months is enough time: that's really a personal choice. The moment you knew that he had been unfaithful, you had every right to separate yourself and never look back. I do not fault any spouse who makes that choice. They are cutting losses and avoiding a difficult process of recovery that has no guaranteed outcome.
But some make a choice to wait months (even years, sometimes) to see if there is a change. They believe too much has been invested in the relationship and don't want to quickly let it go. They are willing to take a chance in the hope for restoration, especially if children are involved.
As a counselor, I want to encourage betrayed spouses to stay for the right reasons. This choice shouldn't be primarily motivated by fear or need. If either of those are true, then the waiting spouse will not be in control of their choices but be constantly reacting to the present whims of the wayward spouse, which may be shifting often.
The choice to stay should be grounded in your intent to move forward in ways that are healthy for YOU while you wait to see what your spouse's outcome will be. In my opinion, you shouldn't wait forever. Many would argue that 6 months is more than enough time for your husband to start moving in a single direction. The longer he remains in indecision, the less likely you will have confidence/trust in whatever he eventually decides. In fact, he may still be holding on to the affair in ways you don't even know. Your marriage is his safety net. He may fall back to you only when the affair is finally faltering.
Not wanting to divorce you is not the same thing as wanting to love you.
To heal from betrayal, you need confidence that your husband's heart has shifted out of the fog and back to a longing for his marriage, for you. Unfortunately, the scenario you've described is very common: a spouse leaves a marriage but refuses to actively participate in the divorce. There may be many reasons for this: avoiding shame, financial concerns, adding on to stress, strategic delays to gain leverage in litigation, not wanting to lose their safety net, the influence of the affair partner, etc. I've watched unfaithful spouses avoid involvement in the divorce for years.
Do what you need to do without him. I doubt you'll get anything satisfying from him soon. If you choose to wait, stop trying to convince or change him and just focus on doing those things that let you heal and grow. If you choose to continue pursuing divorce, then do whatever is necessary to move ahead without his cooperation. Don't allow him to stay in control.