When I first found out about the emotional affair, I wondered what I should do or how I could change to help save our marriage.  Doug would say to me “just be you.”  I didn’t understand that.  I thought he obviously didn’t love me since he was with someone else, so why would “being me” help the situation?  You have to believe that your spouse fell in love with you because of YOU.  What your spouse fell out of love with was the relationship and the state that the relationship was in at that time. Try making your spouse feel like he is the most important person to you, like you did when you first met, then there is a good chance he can regain some of those lost feelings and fall back in love with you again.  The other person would then become insignificant.

I think this is interesting and I guess in my mind I didn't separate the out of love with me from out of love with us.  My WS always said he still loved me throughout the affair and I have a hard time seeing that love obviously but when I look in this respect it makes more sense.  He also has expressed that he needs me to be me and not try to be perfect now....Just food for thought.
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