Hi, I have been reading on this forum for a long time now but this is the first time I have posted.
I found out 15 months ago that my husband was having an affair with someone in work. It had been going on for over a year – it had begun just before I fell pregnant and carried on out throughout the pregnancy and our baby being born until I discovered it when our son was only a few weeks old. The affair was both sexual and emotional, and he had told her he loved her. I confronted him immediately and he confessed everything. He did everything I asked of him to try and repair our marriage. He cut off contact with her immediately, he changed his phone number and he attended counselling for several months. It was an awful time but we fought hard and rebuilt our marriage, and became closer than ever in the process. My husband was devastated at the damage he had caused. He had a lot of underlying issues which he spent time addressing through counselling and talking to me.
Over the past few months I have gradually started to regain some trust in him. I have now discovered that he has been sending messages to another woman in work. He has not been meeting up with her outside work but the messages are flirty and inappropriate in nature. I know this woman and we have several mutual friends. She has a well know reputation with men, both married and single. I knew they were working together and had been friendly, and I had told my husband I was not comfortable with this and he had agreed not to have any contact with her. I had asked him about this on several occasions and he had denied having seen or spoken to her for several months. I am completely devastated to discover he has been lying to me again. I have confronted him and he has sworn he didn’t want anything to come from it, that he didn’t have any feelings for her and that this was a way of acting out against feeling frustrated at the situation we are in. He is desperate to work on our marriage and has come up with several constructive ways of doing so.
I am feeling so hurt and lost, I love this man and want the life together that we had planned so many years ago, but I don’t know how I can ever regain trust in him, knowing that despite everything we had been through in trying to recover from his affair, he was still able to lie to me and begin another inappropriate relationship. I have not told my family about what we have been going through, as I wanted to protect my husband. I want to protect my son and give him the best chance at a happy balanced life growing up. I just don’t know what the best thing to do is for both him and for my own personal happiness.