TimeToFly
It continues to amaze me what people say when they hear that I'm divorced. It's a range of comments from "well you will be better off", "good for you", "congratulations", "you'll meet someone else & be fine" & this morning I had a new one "well now you're as free as a bird". 

I want to say "no, I'm not better off", "it isn't good for me", "congratulations are definitely NOT in order", "how do you know that I will meet someone & be fine" & "I don't want to be free as a bird".

Then I want to tell them this isn't at all what I wanted at this stage of my life & it's a very tough road that I'm on right now. I never wanted my husband to have an affair & I certainly never wanted a divorce. My life was turned upside down with the 3 year affair. So, after dealing with all of that now it's the after effects of divorce perhaps made even harder because we had over 30 years together. 

Just needed to vent as these comments are so upsetting. I never manage a good reply back & then I always figure that people say all this because they either don't know what to say or they just don't think before they speak. I wish they would simply say "I'm sorry". 


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surviving
TimeToFly - I am so sorry you are in that situation.  My WH and I have been married (if you can call it that) for 36 years.  He had a 14-year affair that I confronted him on in year two of that affair.  He, of course, denied it and I believed him.  We are in the process of talking, him changing so much, and me trying to decide what I want to do.  I agree with you that people just don't know what to say to you in regards to your divorce.  When my sixth child was two, my midwife asked me when I was due with my next child.  I had to say that I wasn't pregnant.  People also told me how beautiful my grandchildren were - yes, my grandchildren are beautiful, but these two are MY children.  People just open their mouths and insert both feet.  I probably would have done that to you as well, I apologize for that now even though I don't know you from Adam.  You are in my prayers today.  I pray that God will strengthen you for your daily tasks and that you will find joy in your life.  I know that is very hard for me right now, but I pray it for you! 
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TimeToFly
surviving wrote:
TimeToFly - .  You are in my prayers today.  I pray that God will strengthen you for your daily tasks and that you will find joy in your life.  I know that is very hard for me right now, but I pray it for you! 


Thanks so much for your kind words & prayers. I appreciate it. Hoping things get better for you as well.
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bucko0059
I feel your pain and I am sorry. I'm dealing spouse that fell into adultery using my failure to be the "perfect" husband. Our marriage was never synchronize and I understand her demand to fix it, until falling into adultery. I have one positive outcome, I walk closely with God now, and my life has a new purpose. We still live under the same roof with our children, however, the marriage is dead. I understand God challenged our meaning of our marriage and He wants to reconcile, but the wife wants no part of it. Try living in a non-existing marriage, you feel different pains than the actual adultery, and they all hurt and tear you up. But I understand God is here and has a purpose, and the pain is mostly numbed.
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Robin1971
bucko0059 wrote:
I feel your pain and I am sorry. I'm dealing spouse that fell into adultery using my failure to be the "perfect" husband. Our marriage was never synchronize and I understand her demand to fix it, until falling into adultery. I have one positive outcome, I walk closely with God now, and my life has a new purpose. We still live under the same roof with our children, however, the marriage is dead. I understand God challenged our meaning of our marriage and He wants to reconcile, but the wife wants no part of it. Try living in a non-existing marriage, you feel different pains than the actual adultery, and they all hurt and tear you up. But I understand God is here and has a purpose, and the pain is mostly numbed.


how long has it been for you?  i am so sorry for your situation,  i pray everyday that mine will get better but seems to be going on the same path as yours, same house, marriage failing, dont speak much etc.  this is NOT what i have been working towards!!!!!!
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