Matt - I would definitely require absolute full disclosure from her and accept NO less. I don't think that you will be able to make any solid decisions until you know everything you need too about her relationship with this "old friend".
I agree with STILLME that it IS on her to show change and movement away from this "friend" and towards reconciliation. In my opinion it seems that your wife is confused and depressed. I feel for your own sanity staying neutral is probably best right now. DDay is still pretty recent for you both and SO MUCH changes on a daily and weekly basis - it's maddening. If it is better for you to stay out of the home for now, that is what you should do. Eventually she will make decisions and you will make decisions. I think the goal is to keep your sanity while she is trying to figure out who and what she wants. Now in saying that, only YOU know how much you will tolerate. "T"
BS - DDay July 2017
O GOD, take me, break me, make me.