CallieMolly
I truly am interested.  My husband had an affair with a 50 year old unmarried, childless woman who apparently was very desperate for love.  To the extent a married man looked like a good option.   I see her online photos today and it is so sad.  She is 50, looks all washed up, sad, and has opened her home to "roommates" including college students and a therapist who does "life regression".  I feel a bit sorry for her, but also blame her for facilitating the affair with my H because he did tell her he was married.  I phoned her after I discovered, and she told me a lot of details, before I'd even confronted my husband. 

So why does someone choose to put their faith in someone who is married?  Does it ever work out that the married person leaves their partner for the affair fling?  My husband did not.  We're still together.  And best I can tell, this single, childless, lonely women is still alone.  And yes, we're in counseling, and he immediately went into therapiy for himself because he was horrified when he "woke up" and saw what he had done.  It's a lot of work.  I'm still trying to decide if he's worthy of me. 

Any insights into the other side of this might be helpful.
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arizons
Hello callie,
 I understand how you feel. My husband is 40 and I am 38. My discovery day of the affair was 14 months ago. For 8 months he had an affair with a 60 year old pathetic woman. She knew we were married as she met me before my husband.
   In her case she was bouncing frOM place to place to live, in and out of alcohol and drug rehabs, she was lonley..etc. she was easy and available.
 Except in my case the affair continued for a few months even after I found out. She was so 100% sure that my husband was leaving me for her...she stalked me, would harass me by text, phone, email...she was the one that blew the whistle on the affair.
   Looking back now...I see that she did all of those things out of sheer desperation. I think deep down she knew my husband wasn't leaving me and her only course of action was to try and get me to leave.
   To answer your questions...yes...spouces do leave their good wifes and husbands for an AP. It does happen all the time... sometimes it's short lived and they return to their spouces and marriage, other times not. Really depends on the people involved in suppose. But I do know this, it's less likely for a wayward spouse to love for an AP, and even when and if they do...less than 1% of that new relationship built on lies lasts once reality is in play. An affair is fantasy and fantasy can't exist with reality.
   I've also learned that age has very little to do with the affair.
   Your ex OW and mine are a lot in common, selfish, self esteem issues, lonely...the list goes on.
Female BS, D-day 1/03/2017, 
I'm going to rebuild me like a remix,

and raise my soul like a Phoenix 
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Alexay02
Callie, that's the million dollar question.  In my case, my husband cheated with a 25 years old (we're in our early 40s) and the affair followed the usual cliche: younger woman, enamored of the shiny professional who drives the expensive car.  Older man headed to his mid-life crisis and wants to reclaim his youth.  When I spoke to the OW she actually blamed him for the entire thing, so I asked her if she was forced into the situation, she said no, so I told her to please explain to me what she hoped to get out of the relationship and she hung up on me.  So I'm baffled still as there is no clear answer to that question in my situation.  She wasn't lonely, she is at the beginning of her life and learning who she is still.  
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arizons
Alexay02 wrote:


so I asked her if she was forced into the situation, she said no, so I told her to please explain to me what she hoped to get out of the relationship and she hung up on me.   


The OW in my case would basically do the same thing, although it wasn't by phone..it was via email...and when I would confront her why she thought what she was doing was ok...knowingly having an affair with a man she knew was married...and how she thought a good person would do these things. She wouldn't answer and just would dodge around it. I think because they already know how wrong they are...but they just want to be selfish and hate the fact that we the "WIFE" is in the right.
Female BS, D-day 1/03/2017, 
I'm going to rebuild me like a remix,

and raise my soul like a Phoenix 
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Alexay02
Arizons, they want to keep the illusion that they're good people (same as our WS), when in reality, good people would never do what they did and cause such devastation.  I did say to the AP that I hoped she could sleep well at night knowing that she helped cause the destruction of a marriage.  The funny thing about the whole mess was that I found out that she was cheating on her BF with my ex-husband and he didn't know he wasn't the AP's "one and only".  His face when I told him was priceless. Talk about being a terrible person.
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arizons
Alexay02 wrote:
Arizons, they want to keep the illusion that they're good people. (.

I could not agree more!!  I on more then one occasion told her that she had to know what she was doing was wrong and she just was not a good person. At one point she even told me that she was disappointed with my husband because he decided to go back to his wife. Which I had to laugh and tell her 1. he didn't come back...he NEVER LEFT! but then told her, 2. But how down right EVIL is it to be disappointed that a husband went back to the rightful person the wife and you didn't tear them apart. How evil is that to knowingly WANT to wreck and ruin someone else?
   She even flat out told me she hated my guts... When I have NEVER done anything to harm or hurt her... I have never done one bad thing to her. She also said that I was a bully. To which I replied.... "You only hate me because you want what I have and to you, I am in your way. I am only a Bully to you because instead of stepping aside...I am standing up for my life, my marriage...and I am not going anywhere!!"
Female BS, D-day 1/03/2017, 
I'm going to rebuild me like a remix,

and raise my soul like a Phoenix 
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arizons
And just to add. I can only hope that God will dish out Karma on the ex-OW so that she can experience the same hurt and pain she has caused.
Female BS, D-day 1/03/2017, 
I'm going to rebuild me like a remix,

and raise my soul like a Phoenix 
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Alexay02
Isn't it amazing how completely blind they are to their own faults?  My WS is on the same boat with the blinders and his IC feeds into it.
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arizons
Alexay02 wrote:
Isn't it amazing how completely blind they are to their own faults?  My WS is on the same boat with the blinders and his IC feeds into it.

It truly is. I have to laugh at her emails that she used to send me. Because it literally went from her saying that my husband was leaving me for her and "We shall see IF he stays with you." To angry emails calling my husband a stupid wet back that she hoped would die, and that he was a cream of the crop pig."
     So playing the victim. So, if he was now such a cream of the crop pig....what does that make her??? More of the same in my opinion... what did she think she was getting? she knew he was married....what a self absorbed evil dummy!
Female BS, D-day 1/03/2017, 
I'm going to rebuild me like a remix,

and raise my soul like a Phoenix 
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Vanessa
what makes someone cheat at all?
I don't care if the AP is married or single - the WS IS married!  My WS actually said to me "I didn't know she (the AP) was married when I started talking to her"  My response: "You sure as heck knew YOU were!!"
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Experiencethedevine29
Well put Vanessa.

The dizzy mare himself was shagging wanted my life as his wife, she thought he was such a great catch...OMG I’m laughing so hard just remembering...😂...BUT.. and here’s the thing that takes a betrayed a good while to grasp sometimes..HE allowed her to think that.  HE takes responsibility for allowing that shagnasty to behave in such a vile way. HE didn’t shut her foul, vicious gob down.


The  f***tard he was putting it in was disgusting beyond my comprehension after DDay.  Seriously desperate and unfathomably vile.  SHE, like Arizons OW, came after me when it all fell apart because of course, it was all MY fault she and the twat weren’t about to skip off into the sunset together...🙄..like the above, a crusty old mare, barren and divorced ( because she was unable to procreate I’d assumed) and desperate not to die alone.

cross? You’re damn right I got cross! She went too many steps too far. The crazy cow actually travelled 360 miles from where she lived and poisoned my beautiful retriever. That’s just for starters...that’s the mark of someone seriously deluded, wouldn’t you say?

He was horrified when he took off the rose tinted’s and saw what he’d REALLY been sticking his widger in! 


ETD🌻
‘I will remember and recover. Not forgive and forget’
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arizons


  HE takes responsibility for allowing that shagnasty to behave in such a vile way. HE didn’t shut her foul, vicious gob down.


ETD🌻


Shagnasty!... ha ha ha ha ha. I would directly address my husbands ex-ap as the Sea Hag!

But its true. The Lies my husband made up about me to tell the Sea hag... No normal person would have even believed such garbage...but she was SO desprite to believe anything to justify what she was doing and make it ok to blame and hate me somehow.

Your poor dog...that just breaks my heart! I know there is a place in hell for that Shahnasty for that! what an evil vile creature!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Female BS, D-day 1/03/2017, 
I'm going to rebuild me like a remix,

and raise my soul like a Phoenix 
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Alexay02
arizons wrote:


Shagnasty!... ha ha ha ha ha. I would directly address my husbands ex-ap as the Sea Hag!

But its true. The Lies my husband made up about me to tell the Sea hag... No normal person would have even believed such garbage...but she was SO desprite to believe anything to justify what she was doing and make it ok to blame and hate me somehow.

Your poor dog...that just breaks my heart! I know there is a place in hell for that Shahnasty for that! what an evil vile creature!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Shagnasty is an awesome word! hahahaha

I'm so sorry about the dog, she certainly seems disturbed.  I guess in that sense I got lucky.  Idiot Sex Toy never got nasty and basically disappeared after the last conversation her and I had and she proceeded to call him every name in the book.  In a way, it's a bit disappointing because I didn't get to tell her exactly how I felt.  
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