AHmember113 Show full post »
Jennifer
I wanted to give some hope from someone who is 5 years post D-day. It has been a long journey with many ups and downs and I can relate to that feeling of not wanting to let it go. In my mind letting go of the pain would mean we forgot what happened or somehow I was excusing his behavior.

What I have learned is that the memories and triggers may always be there but the pain does not have to be. I can look back at that time and remember what happened and I still have vivid memories of things that occurred but the pain no longer runs my life.

This does not mean we do not have our struggles. Recently a family member discovered his partner was engaging in an affair and this brought up many painful memories for me as I watched him struggle. My husband and I have been able to talk though this and I received reassurance and acceptance from him. He even shared his story to try and help this family member gain some understanding and perspective on the situation.

I have made a choice to focus on the good that has come out of the affair. My husband and I are now better, stronger people individually and together and we are better parents because of what happened. My life has changed for the better and when I choose to focus on the good that came from his affair, then my memories become not about the pain but about the lessons learned.

Be patient and gentle with yourself. Everything you are feeling and going through is normal and there is no set time line for the recovery process. Know that you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for!
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AHmember113
Thank you so much Jennifer.
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TimT
Jennifer wrote:
...I have made a choice to focus on the good that has come out of the affair. My husband and I are now better, stronger people individually and together and we are better parents because of what happened. My life has changed for the better and when I choose to focus on the good that came from his affair, then my memories become not about the pain but about the lessons learned.

Be patient and gentle with yourself. Everything you are feeling and going through is normal and there is no set time line for the recovery process. Know that you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for!

Thank you for sharing that. I'm smiling!
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SAM2015
Yes thank you Jennifer. I am 1 1/2 years past Dday. I can relate to what you've expressed. Your post gives me hope and I sincerely appreciate what you took the time to share. It really does make a difference to me to know the pain won't stay at the same level. I actually like our relationship more now than before. We are definitely closer. I could go on and on. Thank you again. Your words are incredibly significant to me.
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