I would say my wife confessing was a big one. Like Anthro, if she had not confessed, and it had not been over, I just can’t see a way I would have stayed.
She made it clear when she confessed that she chose me, not her AP. If she had even been unsure, I would have made the decision for her and been gone. She agreed to go every single boundary immediately. Full transparency, quitting her job, no lock on her phone, password were handed over. All willingly. She did resist ending all friendships with other coworkers (non APs). I had to say it then or me. This chapter closes completely for me, one way or another. She didn’t leave the house without me often. If she did, then she would call when she arrived, left, etc. If I needed further reassurance she would FaceTime me to prove where she was. I tracked her via GPS as well. She never faltered in her desire to heal our marriage. On d-day there a little “I know what I did was wrong, BUT”. That ended that day. From that point forward she “owned” it completely. She continually said said the only way our marriage was going to end was if I chose to end it. She had seen the error of her ways and was fully committed to do whatever it took to help me heal, for as long as it takes. She has done that, but it took me a REALLY LONG time to begin to believe it. She showed empathy, not so well in the beginning, but she came to it pretty quickly looking back. If there is one thing the WS can do is show TRUE EMPATHY. Don’t say I’m sorry, EVER. Say I’m so sorry FOR hurting you so deeply, being so stupid, being so selfish, not valuing you, etc etc. That is much easier to receive. I’m sorry is something you say to someone who has the flu. Not someone who’s would you have literally destroyed.
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....