What did you share together that will never be shared again after dday? Have you created new experiences that the affair cannot touch? I know it’s a tough one isn’t it?

Affairs have an awful way of infecting every corner of your life, but I found some relief in encouraging himself to get involved in dancing with me, and to his surprise he quite enjoys it.

Something he didn’t do with his concubine. She wasn’t a dancer...only of the horizontal variety...😂...

So little left sacred, but that was at least left untouched. We used to have little intimate joking phrases we’d use but we don’t do that now. He ruined all of them when he shared them with his shagpiece. 🤢


Expectation is the root of all heartache.. ’Will Shakespeare
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It will be a very long time until we go to the beach. Listening to them walk and talk for 15 minutes from to hotel to bar at sunset really ruined that. 

Many jokes have lost all humor which really sucks. 

Walks and building fires together are good activities right now. 

Female BS
Married 19 years 
2 tween girls

DDay 10/2019 
Affair 1, 11/2010 to 2/2011
Affair 2, 6/2019 to 12/2019 - Persistent One is still trying to contact him. 

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I was fortunate (?) that about the only thing ruined for me was a couple of local all night restaurants and their parking lots, as it all happened when he worked 2nd shift and I was on day shift.   Not many places to go at that time.   He took her bowling once, but I am not a bowler.  Also, their main restaurant chain is closing, so I am doing a happy dance over that.
      We now both work the same hours and NOT in the bigger city where it all happened.   
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I'm the (former) WS, and it has been about 5 years since my affair. That said, we've had all kinds of experiences since that time. Traveling, taking classes, doing things with our kids who are growing up, trying to communicate in a real way with each other. If we were going to stay together, we knew we would have to build a different kind of marriage, and that goes beyond things I specifically needed to do to redeem myself with him. We had to eventually get to a forward-facing place. I think that started to happen after 2 or 3 years. I feel grateful to still be together. 

My BS didn't ask a lot of questions about places I went with my former AP, but yes, some have closed and that always feels like a relief, like the universe is helping to close a door.
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Honestly, the more we heal the more I begin to think I’m gaining more than what was robbed from me. 

I lost a lazy husband. 
I gained one who works hard and is involved. 

I lost a sex life that felt one sided. 
I gained a sex life that is the overflow of what matters most to me (non sexual touch, spiritual intimacy, etc.) 

I lost the admiration for his military service, I suppose that’s the one that can’t necessarily be replaced. But, it’s more of a loss for him - not me. 

But, we have more adventures now - hiking, traveling, geocaching, reading together, camping, fishing...

I never took part in the kinds of activities he pursued when acting out. Bars, strip clubs, so on. So, none of those kinds of places were lost for me. And for him, they heap shame upon his head. 
Betrayed female
2/11/18, d day #1. 
1/2019, d day #2.
Over a decade of unfaithfulness. 
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I'm still trying to figure this one out. I'm honestly almost at the point of wondering what we could possibly have in common besides kids. I've always pit myself out there to be involved in his things, even when I wasn't interested, but he rarely takes interest in mine. As far as doing something together, we live in an area that is sort of a dead zone, nothing interesting to do, or time and money in which to do it. Conversations are all about work and kids, or working on the house. I'm hoping some counseling will help in this area as well. 
Female BS
Dday 10/12/2018

Renewing myself one day at a time. 
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The thing I'll never get back was being his last first: last first date, last first kiss, last first love making. It will never again be just the two of us. I mean, if we ever got to that point, which seems unlikely, and the "other women" are seemingly present, even then it'll never be just the two of us, because od the others since the first "just the two of us." He's made promises for new firsts. Dancing was one of them. Camping on the ocean beach. A few others, I think. We've done none. It's been three years of self indulgent depression. We've had a couple firsts, like staying in the desert, off grid, for forty days. That was special. But he's had online relapses since. Our rings have been at the landfill for months, and he never even noticed they're gone. I dunno. The starting to think if I ever have another "first" it won't be with him. I've waited so long and suffered so much, I think exhaustion will be my only love. 
Female BS 
DD 10/16/16
WS multiple relapses
Physical affair, emotional affairs, online affairs
In-house separation 06/11/18
Complete separation 01/04/20
Last relapse 01/07/20
Don't be afraid. Don't be dismayed. The battle belongs to the Lord.
2 Ch. 20:15
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