ssix6pack
it has almost been two years since d day #1. 

And, I’m staring to think about wedding rings again. Maybe I’m almost ready for one again...I guess that’s a sign of progress. 

I’m not really sure how/when/if to bring it up. For now I plan to sit on it, and just ponder it. I don’t want my old ring. It’s too marred by his choices. But, a new one...

what did this process look like for you? 
Betrayed female
2/11/18, d day #1. 
1/2019, d day #2.
Over a decade of unfaithfulness. 
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Blessedby7
I look forward to reading the replies on this one  I MISS my old rings, but they sit on top of our dresser in their box. I just can't do it, I can't put them back on. I've been wondering how to bring it up. I think for me, I'm going to wait until we've had some counseling. 
Female BS
Dday 10/12/2018

Renewing myself one day at a time. 
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Experiencethedevine29
We celebrated our 25th anniversary in 2017.  I threw my wedding ring in the duck pond on dday March 2010. Despite several ‘offers’ from himself, I continued to only wear my Mum’s.

when we renewed our vows for that, I had new ones made from jewellery we each had that meant something to us and contained some wonderful family memories.


ETD 🌻
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BlindCheetah
Mine has been stuck on my finger for years. I have lost enough weight that I might be able to get it off but I’d like to drop another 10 lbs before I try. 
We have talked about having them resized.
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Cheryl
I never actually took my ring off. I haven’t worn the engagement ring in years but I have continued to wear the band. I really don’t like my ring anymore...it doesn’t really mean anything to me. It’s been almost 2 1/2 years and we are working on our marriage. I think what really hurts me is about a year ago I had suggested that maybe we renew our vows he seemed very uncomfortable with that suggestion and hasn’t really said anything about it. What hurts is I feel that our original vows are broken and I said that to him.  I told him that I actually feel like we’re not even really married because the vows that we originally spoke were broken. I am not sure why he doesn’t want to renew our vows but I’ve decided I’m not saying anything anymore. He was the one who had the affair if he can’t reach out and do some thing that would make me feel safer and more loved than i’m not really sure what we’re doing here. I am feeling kind of stuck… I know he’s not cheating anymore I know that is over. But of course I still have doubts and questions… Our marriage has lost that spark and excitement that we once had... I’m not sure that will ever come back.  we have stayed In the marriage, we are kind to one another, we go on with our lives. I am 67 years old and have had health issues recently and I’m just feeling done... He has been extremely supportive through hip surgery and recent foot surgery so it’s not that there’s any angry or mean things going on. I think I’ve just finally decided it is what it is. 
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Just_Me
I never stopped wearing my rings, but like many of you, to me they represented a symbol of broken vows and broken dreams.

But like Japanese Kintsugi, the process of taking something broken and repairing it with gold and making something beautiful of what was broken (see the necklace in my profile pic), we decided to reforge our rings. A few months before our 25th anniversary we took both our rings to a jeweler. He melted the 14k yellow gold rings together and created new rings in which the yellow gold of our two rings is surrounded by white gold. My diamond sits a top my one band (and I now have a small anniversary band to accompany that ring).

That white gold surrounding the yellow gold of our brokenness is very symbolic and meaningful to me, surrounding the yellow gold of the old rings melded together. 

This way neither of us will ever forget from where we came, because the past is part of us, shaping who we are now. But at the same time we have renewed hope and joy in moving forward in our future together in love and respect for each other.
BW
Married early 1990s
DD May 2016 
That day I chose to fight for my marriage and by God's mercy and grace what was broken is being reborn and made new.
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Keepabuzz
I hadn’t worn a wedding band in more than 10 years before my wife’s affair. Mainly because when I visit customers, I can’t wear rings. I’m also not a big jewelry guy. My wife never took hers off while cheating on me. For me, that marriage died the instant she betrayed me and those rings on her finger were nothing more than a hurtful reminder of that for me. I thought a lot about it, for months. The sight of them made me sick. I don’t think she noticed, but I refused to even touch them. After about 2 years, I had decided I would stay long term (notice I didn’t say forever?). I looked for a new ring for her. I was not about to go buy her a big new diamond. That felt like a reward to me. I looked and looked, and looked. Trying to find one that felt right. I finally found one. It was a white gold wedding band encrusted with lots of smaller diamonds.  About a week later I sat her down and told her I wanted to talk to her about something. I told her how I felt about her rings, and that for me she was wearing the rotting corpse of our marriage on her hand, and that I wanted her to take them off. I also told her that I never wanted to see them again. I didn’t need her to throw them away, or get rid of them, just I never wanted to see them again. She already had them off her finger and dropped in her purse before I finished my first sentence, and started crying. I then told her that I had bought a new ring for her. That it didn’t have a big rock on it like her old ones, but instead lots of small ones. I told her that when I gave her that engagement ring with that big rock, all those years ago, I gave her my heart and my soul. I gave her the power to hurt me more than anyone else in this world. I literally gave her the power to destroy me, and she had done exactly that. So her new ring, with all those smaller diamonds still symbolized my heart and soul, in all of the little pieces she broke me into. Through tears she swore she would care for this one far better than the last. I told her hoped so, but she could rest assured this would be the last one she ever received from me. 
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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BlindCheetah
Soon after DDay when my mind was in total chaos, I realized I hadn’t even looked at H’s hand to see if he was still wearing his ring. He had been sleeping in another room and barely talking to me for months. I didn’t say anything just made a point to notice next time I saw him. Later he told me with no prompting that he never took it off and he had a callus on his hand from rubbing it, he said it was like a security blanket. I have considered switching to just my engagement ring which I haven’t worn in a long time when I get the wedding band off. 
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hurting
I haven’t touched my rings since d-day. I tossed his into a toilet and let him fish it out himself, but he hasn’t worn his either. He now wears a ring I gave him while we were dating. Neither of us will ever wear our original rings again. I do plan to have them melted down at some stage to make something as Just_Me has done. 

He gave me a ring that was of my choice/design for Christmas which we just picked up while on holiday. I like my jewellery and had some unset gemstones which I have been hoarding for some time. He suggested last year that I choose one to be set by a particular jewellery for my Christmas present. Other than being a Christmas gift, it has little meaning though. There were no vows, no promises with it. It’s pretty, I love it and I appreciate the gesture since I got to work with a jeweller whose work I love but was always too expensive for me to stomach paying for. He always treated my jewellery ‘hobby’ as a waste of money before, so for him to suggest to have it set is nice.

He is aware that in the future, when I am ready to once again wear a ring that symbolises our relationship (getting close to that point) and when finances allow (because damn if this one isn’t going to be significantly better than my original one!), then I want a 3 stone ring to represent the past, present and future. Outside of what form the ring itself will take, I have not brought up other significant associated ideas such as vows etc. 

It’s important to me that any new ring is of my choosing. I want to be a part of any big decisions that affect or are part of this relationship. That includes if/what ring I wear.
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ssix6pack
I wore my engagement ring as a wedding ring for a long time. And then, my husband surprised me with my “dream” ring. But, turns out it was a guilt offering, unbeknownst to me. He felt guilty for being unfaithful and this was his promise (to himself...?) not to do it again. So, goes without saying that I loathe that ring now. And then, 5 years later...he did it again and got caught. 

I’m thinking pearl. A beautiful stone as the result of a wound. That’s what I see my marriage becoming...slow and steadily. 
Betrayed female
2/11/18, d day #1. 
1/2019, d day #2.
Over a decade of unfaithfulness. 
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Pringle15
I lost my wedding ring the year before last, looking back at messages it was around the time when he first started cheating. Like my finger had rejected it.. 
Wife, mother and kick ass officer 
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Phoenix
Keepabuzz wrote:
I hadn’t worn a wedding band in more than 10 years before my wife’s affair. Mainly because when I visit customers, I can’t wear rings. I’m also not a big jewelry guy. My wife never took hers off while cheating on me. For me, that marriage died the instant she betrayed me and those rings on her finger were nothing more than a hurtful reminder of that for me. I thought a lot about it, for months. The sight of them made me sick. I don’t think she noticed, but I refused to even touch them. After about 2 years, I had decided I would stay long term (notice I didn’t say forever?). I looked for a new ring for her. I was not about to go buy her a big new diamond. That felt like a reward to me. I looked and looked, and looked. Trying to find one that felt right. I finally found one. It was a white gold wedding band encrusted with lots of smaller diamonds.  About a week later I sat her down and told her I wanted to talk to her about something. I told her how I felt about her rings, and that for me she was wearing the rotting corpse of our marriage on her hand, and that I wanted her to take them off. I also told her that I never wanted to see them again. I didn’t need her to throw them away, or get rid of them, just I never wanted to see them again. She already had them off her finger and dropped in her purse before I finished my first sentence, and started crying. I then told her that I had bought a new ring for her. That it didn’t have a big rock on it like her old ones, but instead lots of small ones. I told her that when I gave her that engagement ring with that big rock, all those years ago, I gave her my heart and my soul. I gave her the power to hurt me more than anyone else in this world. I literally gave her the power to destroy me, and she had done exactly that. So her new ring, with all those smaller diamonds still symbolized my heart and soul, in all of the little pieces she broke me into. Through tears she swore she would care for this one far better than the last. I told her hoped so, but she could rest assured this would be the last one she ever received from me. 

This brought tears to my eyes. 
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Phoenix
It's been over two years since Dday. He took his ring off a couple of months after. He has never put it back on. I still wear mine. It is a reminder to me. This June is out 25th wedding anniversary. Our marriage is also dead. I wanted to book a weekend away on that weekend and give him a new ring but I am not sure if he is ready for that. I know as of now he is just starting to believe he can move forward with me but I don't want to pressure him.  
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Keepabuzz
Phoenix wrote:
It's been over two years since Dday. He took his ring off a couple of months after. He has never put it back on. I still wear mine. It is a reminder to me. This June is out 25th wedding anniversary. Our marriage is also dead. I wanted to book a weekend away on that weekend and give him a new ring but I am not sure if he is ready for that. I know as of now he is just starting to believe he can move forward with me but I don't want to pressure him.  


I would not have wanted my wife to pressure me into wearing a wedding band. About a year after I gave her the new ring for her, for her birthday, I gave her a wedding band for me. She said it was the best birthday present she had ever received. She thought I would never wear one again. But if she had “asked” me to wear one, that would not have gone over well, but that is just me. 
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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Phoenix
Keepabuzz wrote:


I would not have wanted my wife to pressure me into wearing a wedding band. About a year after I gave her the new ring for her, for her birthday, I gave her a wedding band for me. She said it was the best birthday present she had ever received. She thought I would never wear one again. But if she had “asked” me to wear one, that would not have gone over well, but that is just me. 


Thank you Buzz for the insight. So I should just let that go? I have been wanting to take mine off too. In solidarity and because I realize he is right these bands don't mean anything anymore. 
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