So, I think it's been since early Feb since I've posted. I think I mentioned at that time that I was planning on going to see a friend for a bit, just to reconnect with my faith. Well, as things would have it, stuff was said, I got the silent treatment, so I didn't mention I was leaving until a quick "I'm gonna visit a friend" late the night before. Then in the morning when he saw me packing, I think he had an oh sh*t moment and asked when I was  going to be home. I just vaguely said a few days or so. It was rough, so rough. Some things were said during conversations while I was away, too much to go into, but things have improved. He is now talking with a friend a bit, asking advice and such. 

One big development is that the HPV that I got from his affair has gone from "no big deal, it's the low risk version" in Jan 2019 to now I have to have a biopsy for "abnormal cells". Y'all, we're talking, this could eventually turn into cancer! Yeah, to say this has brought up a whole slew of new emotions, or rather, brought old emotions back, is an understatement. 

So, he still doesn't talk, still hasn't talked about therapy, but I did start my own. We may be working with some friends to get him talking, and maybe even working him towards full disclosure. Some things have been getting said, and I'm doing a bit better at asserting my needs. Oh, and yeah, I now have a clinical diagnosis of PTSD, and "depressive episodes", or something like that. Thing is, right now I'm feeling pretty much like "f you, if you're not gonna work, fine, I'll work on myself, and leave you wondering".  I see him looking at me sometimes, and just see the wheels turning. Thing is, I think he truly does want to be better, do better, and "fix this", but I'm tired of putting in the work for him. Obviously, he wants it bad enough to do that, or he doesn't. 🤷‍♀️ He's really affectionate now, tries to be helpful, love bombing. Eh
Female BS
Dday 10/12/2018

Renewing myself one day at a time. 
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Welcome back.

Female BS
Married 19 years 
2 tween girls

DDay 10/2019 
Affair 1, 11/2010 to 2/2011
Affair 2, 6/2019 to 12/2019 - Persistent One is still trying to contact him. 

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Blessed - 

I am so glad to hear that you are focusing on the one thing truly in your control - YOU.  But I am so sorry that you are having to deal with the HPV, I can only imagine how much trauma that reignited.  

I love hearing from you!

BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child
DD May 2016

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl
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