Kristy3112
So back in October couple days before our anniversary I received a private message that hubby was having an affair with a girl from his work. When I confronted him he said it was true. I sent her a nasty message saying how dissapoimted I was that I thought she was a nice girl but she has shown me how wrong I was. She blocked me and after a couple of months she got moved to another part of the company. We are trying to work on our relationship but I struggle that somedays he is not telling me the truth and worry that they are still in contact. Like the justin Bieber song. I was so caught up in my work and the kids I didn't see what was going on. There are days when I wonder if I am doing the right thing?
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Anna26
Kristy3112 wrote:
So back in October couple days before our anniversary I received a private message that hubby was having an affair with a girl from his work. When I confronted him he said it was true. I sent her a nasty message saying how dissapoimted I was that I thought she was a nice girl but she has shown me how wrong I was. She blocked me and after a couple of months she got moved to another part of the company. We are trying to work on our relationship but I struggle that somedays he is not telling me the truth and worry that they are still in contact. Like the justin Bieber song. I was so caught up in my work and the kids I didn't see what was going on. There are days when I wonder if I am doing the right thing?




Kristy3112,

Plenty of people never see what's going on until the truth pokes them in the back like it has done with you.  That's because the WS can be particularly good at compartmentalizing the two relationships, more so with men I think. 
In my case it was just a general feeling that something wasn't right, something I couldn't put my finger on. When you look back the clues are there, perhaps paying YOU more attention (out of guilt, or an attempt to mislead) or doing things that are out of character, working late more, the list goes on, but at the time, we just don't see it or perhaps deep inside we know but don't want to believe it.

The good thing is at the moment she has moved department and that will be helpful to your husband if he is serious about working things out with you.
It will take some time for you to be able to trust him again, and you will only begin to feel that way when you can see by his consistent actions that he is trying to repair the damage.

Don't waste any more of your energy and time on this woman, she is not worthy of you even thinking about her, hard though this is.  The more contact she has with you the more openings she has into your marriage so it may be just as well that she has blocked you socially.
It's really difficult to be able to bite your tongue and not to give her the time of day, but in the end you will have the higher moral gound.  I felt this way, and in the end I wrote her a letter, I wasn't rude or nasty, just told her plainly what I felt the situation was.  And left it there.  If I met her in the street, nothing would give me greater pleasure than to ignore her and walk by with my head high. 
You still have your dignity and self respect, she doesn't.

You don't say how your husband is being in general, but if your husband is being honest, I think your gut feeling will tell you this, so use it a little and try and concentrate on mending things between you.
Also think about yourself and your needs, a little me time will help give you the strength you need to get through this.  And you will!

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TimT
Kristy3112 wrote:
...We are trying to work on our relationship but I struggle that somedays he is not telling me the truth and worry that they are still in contact. Like the justin Bieber song. I was so caught up in my work and the kids I didn't see what was going on. There are days when I wonder if I am doing the right thing?

I think keeping a marriage is always worth careful consideration, especially when children are involved, but it takes both partners -- each doing their part -- to experience a satisfying recovery. It is normal for anyone in your situation to wonder whether or not your spouse is being honest. Even he is being 100% truthful, you would still wonder.

But the responsibility to regain trust is on him, not you. He should be taking responsibility for assuring you of his honesty and you will have to be willing to accept some risk. (Love requires that; we never get full guarantees when it comes to love and to expect otherwise usually leads to obsessive thoughts & behaviors.)

I recently re-recorded (for better quality) the audio podcast "Signs of Real Affair Recovery" in which I discuss a bit about this. If you haven't heard it yet, it's worth a listen.
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