More often than not, the affair partner is easier to connect with for a couple reasons: (1) the involved spouse is experiencing limerence (when there is an emotional it romantic connection) that is not being experienced in the marriage and (2) "opening up" to the affair partner does not require the vulnerability that is being avoided in the marriage (and that is needed for true, healthy intimacy to be established in a secure relationship).
Tim, perhaps you could explain this statement a little further. I am new to this term limerence, but a Wikipedia search suggests it’s like an early ‘love type’ feeling (perhaps slightly more obsessively) which would seem an emotionally vulnerable time. So why would opening up to an affair partner be easier?
From reading A lot on the forum, there seems to be lots of only showing the affair partner the ‘best side’ of yourself, which again in contrary to showing any sort of vulnerability.
As a BS I also struggle with the ‘why her’ (in my case why them) question, especially as a wife who feels that they never denied their husband anything that was asked for. So when it is being insinuated that ‘his needs’ were not being met in the relationship, which implies I was to blame for the affair, I find myself thinking they must have been Mary F@£&ing Poppins - practically perfect in every way.
You have absolutely ZERO blame in his affair. Anyone that says otherwise is a fool or a liar.
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....