Thanks. I guess I don't have to call it an ultimatum, but I would like to put a time frame. I feel she doesn't feel I will follow thru.
I just want to try everything before I give up. Not sure I need to get it more times with more aggressive demands as we go on...just tired of this. Tired of being the only one trying. I want to close the chapter on this part of my life
I hear you there I also applaud you. It would be easier to just walk away.
Hey, it's not an ultimatum in the sense that you are trying to control her actions. That would be wrong.
It is an ultimatum though, where you are drawing a line in the sand and saying this is no longer acceptable what you are doing. If she calls it control,then she is sadly mistaken.
In fact, I would counter that her doing nothing is a form of control, because her actions are passive aggressively trying to coerce you into doing something you don't want. Sounds like control to me.
No, make her work for it. You are doing the right thing sticking to your guns. If it is an ultimatum, then so be it. It's not control, it is a set of expectations laid out and the consequences of either meeting them or not meeting them. All part of healthy boundaries.
To be honest, I looked at what my wife did in the beginning as control. I figured she was manipulating me into getting me back. My AP fed into that fear. But looking back, it was me trying to control things by being that passive aggressive guy.
My wife always texted me and told me that she lived me, even up to a year after DDay, and said she still wanted to work on things, but couldn't do it alone.
Yes, I looked at it as control, but I controlled the situation by not even giving it a chance.
See the difference?
Your wife is the one manipulating things here by refusing to do the work, and trying to get you to do the dirty work, so she can get off Scott free. Best yet, she may have sold herself the big bad wolf story to get herself this far, so if you give in to her passive aggressive demands, you will be full filling the villain role in her story.
At least, that's from a perspective of someone who tried that passive aggressive crap.
Truth be told, my AP was right, I would never have filed for divorce, I was hoping my wife would do it. Stupid, I know.