ThrivenotSurvive
Recently, on another thread a number of us shared shows we found very triggering in the first year to 18 months after DD.  I thought it might be kind to forewarn those souls who are just starting this painful journey which TV shows or movies they might want to avoid for a while.  Certainly some moves/shows are obviously about infidelity, and therefore easy to avoid.  But then there are those that catch you unaware... 

Ones I remember as being particularly difficult were The Handmaiden’s Tale and a specific episode of the Netflix series, Black Mirror  “The Entire History of You”. 
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child
DD May 2016

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl
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AnywhereButHere

Last night my wife and I were watching an old episode of Poirot with David Suchet. This conversation occurred and, afterward, I spent about an hour searching the web for the script. A perfect description of my wife's discontent and the situation her AP took advantage of.
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Hastings:
I suppose we can accept the girl’s rather extraordinary story of her aunt’s infatuation? That seemed the only fishy part to me. She was such a nice, respectable woman.

Poirot: There is nothing extraordinary about that - it is completely ordinary. If you read the papers carefully, you will find that often a nice respectable woman of that age leaves a husband she has lived with for twenty years, and sometimes a whole family of children as well, in order to link her life with that of a young man considerably her junior. You admire les femmes, Hastings; you prostrate yourself before all of them who are good-looking and have the good taste to smile upon you; but psychologically you know nothing whatever about them. In the autumn of a woman’s life, there comes always one mad moment when she longs for romance, for adventure - before it is too late. It comes none the less surely to a woman because she is the wife of a respectable dentist in a country town.

Hastings: And you think…

Poirot: That a clever man might take advantage of such a moment.

BH, 5+ Mo EA, DDay 3/8/18
"...regarding all as God after God."
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BeginAgain
The problem is that, before infidelity became a part of our reality, we weren't cognisant of how pervasive it is in pop culture. My husband and I are huge movie buffs and we love watching series as well. We were massive Game of Thrones fans. I remember watching it last year and each time Catelyn lashed out at Jon Snow for being the product of her husband's infidelity, it seemed so unfair. It wasn't his fault. Now I can put myself in the character's shoes; I know I could never live with a permanent reminder of my husband's betrayal. It puts a completely different spin on things. 

I can't even name all the movies we've watched lately, both old and new, that has affairs or plain cheating as a theme. We collect DVDs (old school, I know) and when we browse through titles of those we've watched before and know the plot, it's like nope, not that one. Not that one either. Not gonna go there. Movies I liked before are now an absolute no go. I can't deal with it.

Music as well. We have a huge collection of music, but there are songs I loved before that I won't listen to. Bed of Roses, anyone? The first time I heard it after the affair came to light, I told my husband to skip it. 'Tonight, I won't be alone, but you know that don't mean I'm not lonely.' Oh please, spare me! Yesterday my husband played music next to me on the couch. He started playing Jolene and I sang along with the first couple of bars, until I remembered what came next. 'I'm begging of you please don't take my man.' Oh hell no! That song can die a slow and painful death.
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Skelling
I can't name all the movies with infidelity in them. What annoys me most is how wrong it is portrayed. Its not cute or romantic or something people get over and move on within a couple days. I want to sue all of Hollywood for that. As for songs. I used to love humble and kind. Until I found out that he sent it to her because he thought she was humble and kind. Joke is on her though as it also says. "Know the difference of sleeping with someone and sleeping with someone you love" and "Don't cheat, don't steal and don't lie". Actually got a laugh out of that. He send a couple other songs too her but those also pretty much say that the guy is missing the way how he used to be with his wife/girlfriend and only use the other one as distraction, missing his actual love. She didn't like any of them 🙂
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Damaged
“If you like Pina Coladas”..... “ Your nobody called today “....” I’m gonna run to you”.....”Lips of an angel “
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ThrivenotSurvive
In case someone loves the song Run to You - it technically was written about him spending to much time at the studio.  He was running to his guitar even when she needed him at home.  So... not exactly an affair
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child
DD May 2016

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl
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AnywhereButHere
On this subject, and just as devastating - especially to WSs - are positive portrayals of courageous and faithful marriages. The best ever, I thought, was the Coen brothers comedy, Raising Arizona. The closing scenes will put a lump in your throat like a billiard ball. My WW just buried her face in my chest and sobbed, shaking her head as if to say, "No! No!"

She was being confronted with the future she had lost for us through her stupid selfishness.
BH, 5+ Mo EA, DDay 3/8/18
"...regarding all as God after God."
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ThrivenotSurvive
Excellent point AnywhereButHere.  
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child
DD May 2016

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl
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Keepabuzz
My wife and I watch quite a few series on TV. Every since d-day, anything to do with cheating or Infidelity, I won’t watch. Now during the first year my reactions were much more visceral, but even now, almost 4 years out, I still won’t watch them. My wife is a bit of a night owl, and I’m an early riser. So I rarely make it to the first commercial when we watch one in bed. She stays up and watches them, I will usually finish the episode in the morning. If the story line of that episode has anything to do with cheating or infidelity, she turns to something else. Then in the morning she will tell me “You don’t want to watch that episode of “insert name”.  So she prescreens them for me. I’m coming up on 4 years, and she still does it. 

Lots and lots of music I just can’t listen to, and I’m a HUGE music lover. That is really hard on me. I won’t listen to anything with cheating in it. But even sad songs about other things, that I really like, I can only listen to if I’m “up”. If I‘m “low”, or if I listen too long, they take me down the rabbit hole. One band in particular that I really like, and my wife knows it, have many songs about making mistakes, and loss, etc, but none about cheating. Well they were going to be playing a show near where we live, and my wife said she wanted to buy tickets and take me to the show.  It was a very nice gesture, but I had to tell her that I couldn’t go to that show.  Then I had to explain to her that I don’t know if I would be up or low on that day, and even if I was up, if we went the music would be very loud, which is great, but sometimes it’s too much for me, and there would be no way to get away from it or turn it off. Also there would be large crowds. Before her affair, I never had these issues, now I deal with anxiety attacks. Now I hate crowds, they can easily trigger an anxiety attack. This will cause a fight or flight response, and apparently I don’t have a flight response, only fight, so I get really angry if I can’t get away.  So the odds of that being a good time were extremely low.  I could see in her eye the shame and remorse. All she could say was that she understood and that she was very sorry that she did this to me.   

The places triggers are still there, where she worked with her AP, the road towards his apartment where they would sneak off to when they left work early, but they have much less power now. I would say all my triggers have much less power now. 

It does get better. 
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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BeginAgain
It's funny in a distinctly non-funny way, what small habits or way-of-doing-things are compromised by knowing that your spouse betrayed you. 
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AnywhereButHere
Great song - Great band. "I would do anything for love, Dear...except cheat on you." Uh, thanks? lol
BH, 5+ Mo EA, DDay 3/8/18
"...regarding all as God after God."
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BorealJ
If you are at the stage where you are looking less at the affair and more at the wounds/vulnerabilities that lead to infidelity, there's really little left to watch if you are choosing avoidance as the coping mechanism.  As a parent, I see a lot of kids movies and the themes hit hard these days.  Ugly Dolls deals with themes of shame and external validation and while the message it's trying to convey is a good one (being genuine and kind) it's harsh in spots and somewhat muddies the message in the end.
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