Trinity
I think I may have turned the corner ??!!?? but I am not sure.  
I am NOT so severely emotional with my WS as I had been in the past. 
Is there a point when the infidelity gets set aside? and/or gets to the point where it holds no power?
If SO, I think that I am at that point.
Perhaps it is because I know that his AP has moved on and moved in with a person that will be her NEW Baby daddy.  So there is that.  
So my husband was not really on her radar, just a "pick" in a bunch of guys who she is lurking after to be a baby daddy.  
Uggghhhhh..... honestly.... some women do this: they seek out a new baby daddy and it does not matter if the kid is 6 months old or 6 years old there are a LOT of women who seek this out and MEN need to be cognoscente of it.  The woman who tried to get my husband had a 10 yr old.  AND after I called her out, she was up and running with another (younger) man who she and her kid moved in with.  
Welcome to my life 😉
Anyway, my H was here for a few days to be with me and we had a real nice time.  Im hoping we are rebuilding... it seems so.  Again, as with all, only time will tell.

"T"
BS - DDay July 2017

O GOD, take me, break me, make me. 
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Damaged
Good for you Trinity! I think I have recently turned the corner as well. I’m 1.5 year post D day and 1 year post discovery of continued phone calls. I listened to one of Tim’s podcasts that described a male BS who “ set himself and his WS free”. After a pretty rough couple of days last week I decided to try this myself. So far it has worked! I no longer dwell on the details in the past ( or at least I try not to). I can’t change them. My H has done everything he can possibly do. I know that I will likely have bad days, but I am hopeful! So far so good!
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anthropoidape
It can still go up and down but I feel the same to some extent. Things have shifted a bit. A lot comes down to moving into a stage of commitment to the effort as opposed to not really knowing if you want to even try. 

I also realised that I can be struggling with some particular issue arising from the affair and affair behaviour but still be in a good place, healing, and rebuilding. It is fine, I think, to still be really shìtty about things and be working through them. It doesn't all have to have gone away for things to be going okay.
Maybe it is okay, maybe it will be okay.

BS, d-day Feb 2017, 16 mth affair.
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pea
Damaged wrote:
Good for you Trinity! I think I have recently turned the corner as well. I’m 1.5 year post D day and 1 year post discovery of continued phone calls. I listened to one of Tim’s podcasts that described a male BS who “ set himself and his WS free”. After a pretty rough couple of days last week I decided to try this myself. So far it has worked! I no longer dwell on the details in the past ( or at least I try not to). I can’t change them. My H has done everything he can possibly do. I know that I will likely have bad days, but I am hopeful! So far so good!


Hi, could you direct me to that podcast?
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GingerHoneyBunny
pea wrote:


Hi, could you direct me to that podcast?


http://feeds.soundcloud.com/stream/258396556-affairhealing-recoveryroom105.mp3
Male BS, D-Day 22th September 2017.
Probably a 10 to 12 month affair (I think, cause no one seems to remember anything!) 
Bleeding heart...
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Damaged
Podcast 105
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ThrivenotSurvive
I am really glad Trinity!  I also have had a lot more peace.  While I still think about it more than I would like, it does not elicit the same pain or linger the same way anymore.  I find that I have a lot more energy and focus to put on moving forward - both personally and in my marriage.  

What I find now is that I continue to try to find meaning in the changes in me... for instance, I don’t tend to take things at face value anymore - with anyone.  The downside is that I am less trusting and my radar is always more alert.  

But on the plus side, I listen more intently, see people more clearly and take things (and people) less for granted.  So in some ways, an innocence was lost, which makes me sad. But in the same breath I gained a deeper perspective that makes me a better friend, mother and wife.  

It seems to me that so much of this process is grieving what has been lost while simultaneously finding and accepting every valuable nugget of wisdom and growth you can find in it.

I always remember something Esther Perel said in a Ted Talk about how some marriages can grow and be better after infidelity and how, after hearing this, people would ask her did she “suggest” having an affair. And she said NO.  No more than she would suggest someone get cancer or lose a limb... but that many people have found that those experiences were transformative for them - and led them to positive changes they otherwise may not have made.  

And I can identify with that - we didn’t deserve this any more than someone does who gets cancer - but like them, we can choose to let it break us or empower us. And i take so much pleasure from seeing many of the members here make the movement from victims experiencing pain and anguish to slowly becoming the hero of their own life.  Whether they rebuild or move on, rewriting what happened into their life as a part of their growth and not the thing that broke them.  

I hope that that makes sense, it does in my head but I can get a bit philosophical sometimes.  Anyway, I am happy for you!
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child
DD May 2016

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl
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Trinity
ThrivenotSurvive wrote:
I always remember something Esther Perel said in a Ted Talk about how some marriages can grow and be better after infidelity and how, after hearing this, people would ask her did she “suggest” having an affair. And she said NO.  No more than she would suggest someone get cancer or lose a limb... but that many people have found that those experiences were transformative for them - and led them to positive changes they otherwise may not have made



This is very true in my case.  I have made a lot of changes because of this situation.  Very positive ones.  My WS had made real good changes as well and we seem to be moving through this together now and beginning to see some valuable progress.  I am pleased with the direction in which we are going.  I am finally gathering some peace in my life.  This has truly been exhausting.  Ã°Å¸Ëœâ€°

"T"

BS - DDay July 2017

O GOD, take me, break me, make me. 
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Karilee
Trinity, I am glad you are turning in a positive direction.  My WS and I are making progress in baby steps, not reconciling, but getting along better.  We do have our bumps in the road when I catch him in a lie or something but I am much more positive and we are communicating better.  No talk of R but we have come a long way since he moved out a few months ago and still haven't filed for D.  I decided not to get into it with him over things because the drama of our fights only fuels his relationship with AP and I don't want to give them that.  Let real life handle the rest for them.  If you are doing well with spending time with your H that is great, be cautiously optimistic and be careful.  I hope things work out for you.
Female BS, two kids age 10 & 13
Married 16 years, together for 23 years total
D Days - Feb 2013, June 2015 and Sept 2017
All with the same OW
Separated
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MITM
Karilee wrote:
Trinity, I am glad you are turning in a positive direction.  My WS and I are making progress in baby steps, not reconciling, but getting along better.  We do have our bumps in the road when I catch him in a lie or something but I am much more positive and we are communicating better.  No talk of R but we have come a long way since he moved out a few months ago and still haven't filed for D.  I decided not to get into it with him over things because the drama of our fights only fuels his relationship with AP and I don't want to give them that.  Let real life handle the rest for them.  If you are doing well with spending time with your H that is great, be cautiously optimistic and be careful.  I hope things work out for you.

Hey Karilee, I feel like I'm kind of in the same boat - except I'm the one who had to move out.
Male BS
D-Day Jan 2018
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arizons
I still have up's and down too. The triggers are still there... but it doesn't have the same painful sting that it once had.
Female BS, D-day 1/03/2017, 
I'm going to rebuild me like a remix,

and raise my soul like a Phoenix 
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blyrobin51
yes!  a bit of light.  I too have turned a corner.....I feel like there a few more corners that I must turn...but I have made progress.....im still triggered like crazy, but it doesn't take me down the rabbit hole.....I can stop it.....and, I am allowing myself to "stay" in a good mood and respond positively to my H.   its been difficult to enjoy myself....the sadness is dissipating.....I don't let it take over me.....

but...I still have at times a sinking pit in my stomach when the thoughts of them together arise..........holy hell...
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