Crushed
I dont feel that I am overreacting but I am just so hurt and furious.  My WS has been out of house now for 3 weeks at my request.  I was having bad morning and was texting with him. 1st mistake.  And after several issues came up.  I asked if she just wanted to be called pet and he put the sweet in front of it.  Now he has told me for 3 years that she wanted to be called that he only called her that because she demanded it. And he had to to keep the sex going.   Now he says that he was the one to come up with it for her.  I say that he has lied to me for 3 years.  He says he dont understand that I want the truth and then I get mad about it.  Which is true but I wanted it 3 years ago, he withheld information and lied about it the whole time.  I feel that he has stole from me that I would never have been intimate with him if I had known the truth.   What do you think am I overreacting
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Keepabuzz

Crushed wrote:
I dont feel that I am overreacting but I am just so hurt and furious.  My WS has been out of house now for 3 weeks at my request.  I was having bad morning and was texting with him. 1st mistake.  And after several issues came up.  I asked if she just wanted to be called pet and he put the sweet in front of it.  Now he has told me for 3 years that she wanted to be called that he only called her that because she demanded it. And he had to to keep the sex going.   Now he says that he was the one to come up with it for her.  I say that he has lied to me for 3 years.  He says he dont understand that I want the truth and then I get mad about it.  Which is true but I wanted it 3 years ago, he withheld information and lied about it the whole time.  I feel that he has stole from me that I would never have been intimate with him if I had known the truth.   What do you think am I overreacting



You are in NO WAY overreacting. You are not only a victim of betrayal, mental abuse, emotional abuse, but also sexual abuse. It took me quite a long time to define it for myself. The way I felt, and still feel is very similar, like very very similar to how a rape victim feels. The reason is that you and I, and many others here have been sexually assaulted by our WS’s.  Like you, I would have never had sex with my wife if I had known she was having sex with someone else. So she had sex with me, many, many times WITHOUT “Informed consent”.  That is the definition of sexual assault. I feel violated. I feel disgusted. Without a doubt there were times that I came home from a business trip and did certain sexual acts with her, where I have ingested HIS bodily fluids!!! I still have problems with sex, and I’m over 4 years out from d-day. 


YOU ARE NOT OVERREACTING!   Your WS is UNDERACTING!. 

Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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Phoenix
Keepabuzz wrote:



You are in NO WAY overreacting. You are not only a victim of betrayal, mental abuse, emotional abuse, but also sexual abuse. It took me quite a long time to define it for myself. The way I felt, and still feel is very similar, like very very similar to how a rape victim feels. The reason is that you and I, and many others here have been sexually assaulted by our WS’s.  Like you, I would have never had sex with my wife if I had known she was having sex with someone else. So she had sex with me, many, many times WITHOUT “Informed consent”.  That is the definition of sexual assault. I feel violated. I feel disgusted. Without a doubt there were times that I came home from a business trip and did certain sexual acts with her, where I have ingested HIS bodily fluids!!! I still have problems with sex, and I’m over 4 years out from d-day. 

 


YOU ARE NOT OVERREACTING!   Your WS is UNDERACTING!. 


I just read this thread. I know it is older but it really got me. 


"Without a doubt there were times that I came home from a business trip and did certain sexual acts with her, where I have ingested HIS bodily fluids!!! I still have problems with sex, and I’m over 4 years out from d-day. "

I know that none of what I did is any better than any WS, this just really blew my mind. The couple of times my AP and I had a physical interaction I made sure my BS and I did not have any. Again does not make things any better. All I know is that I did think about how gross that would be. It would have pushed everything into a completely different level.  
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Keepabuzz
Phoenix wrote:

I just read this thread. I know it is older but it really got me. 


"Without a doubt there were times that I came home from a business trip and did certain sexual acts with her, where I have ingested HIS bodily fluids!!! I still have problems with sex, and I’m over 4 years out from d-day. "

I know that none of what I did is any better than any WS, this just really blew my mind. The couple of times my AP and I had a physical interaction I made sure my BS and I did not have any. Again does not make things any better. All I know is that I did think about how gross that would be. It would have pushed everything into a completely different level.  



That other level, is in my opinion without any shadow of a doubt sexual assault. She did not have informed consent. I was sexually, physically, mentally, and emotionally violated.  
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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triplehooks
Phoenix wrote:

The couple of times my AP and I had a physical interaction I made sure my BS and I did not have any. Again does not make things any better. All I know is that I did think about how gross that would be. It would have pushed everything into a completely different level.  


Phoenix, with no malice intended by this question, can I ask you — sincerely — to try to explain how, if you could recognize the commingling of those physical interactions would be — as you say — “gross”, that the physical interaction w your accomplice was not, in itself, “gross” also?  

As truthfully as you can say, when you are visited with the memory of all that today, are you grossed out by it?  
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Phoenix
triplehooks wrote:


Phoenix, with no malice intended by this question, can I ask you — sincerely — to try to explain how, if you could recognize the commingling of those physical interactions would be — as you say — “gross”, that the physical interaction w your accomplice was not, in itself, “gross” also?  

As truthfully as you can say, when you are visited with the memory of all that today, are you grossed out by it?  

Hello Triplehooks, 
I know this may be hard to believe but I only had two physical interactions with my AP. The first kiss and the day we had intercourse. The kiss was unexpected and the day I had intercourse with him I regretted so much I never came back or continued with the affair. I felt very ashamed by both instances. When I got home I could not kiss or be with my BS. I think that is the reason I could not co-mingle both things, the shame. I almost fell back into the physical part of the affair right before new years but I am very glad my BS heard a conversation I was having with my AP new years eve and it scared me sh******. He confronted me but did not pursue to find out if anything was actually happening but regardless I became to afraid of losing everything.  
With everything that is happening now and going back to those memories I am grossed out by it and ashamed of what I did and was willing to do.  
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