There are a lot of red flags in this.
#1 - Three years after DD you are clearly still so suspicious that you are still asking questions at this level. That shows that your gut KNOWS he's still being untruthful and that you are trapped in fight or flight a lot of the time. #2 - You were/are obviously right. The truth is it IS easier for WS's to be honest when you can provide them with an environment where that feels safe. If you always go immediately ballistic - human nature tells you that people who are weak-natured are going to keep things they know will make you angry to themselves from then on. I did my best to try and not punish my husband for being honest. Do I think that should be required of BSs? HELL NO. It was certainly helpful in allowing my husband to gain the confidence that being honest WAS actually the way back to each other (and not the fastest way to divorce). But he didn't necessarily DESERVE that effort I made. I made it for ME, because I wanted to know the truth and knew it was the best way to get it - and because I wanted a chance at reconciliation. If I hadn't wanted those two things - I wouldn't have made ANY such effort. My short answer to your question is NO - you aren't overreacting. If I found out new information (and particularly about something that I had previously asked about and had been lied to), I would leave at this stage. My husband was given NUMEROUS opportunities in the first two years to come clean. I even sat him down after we were doing pretty well in year two and said that if there was ANYTHING he'd been scared to tell me earlier NOW was the time. That I would treat it as in the past - and give him credit for being honest. But that if I found it out later - I'd be done. That it was a do or die sort of moment. And I meant it. I don't know your story well, but I can hear your anger, pain - and even more clearly your considerable disdain for this man. Forgive me, but if that is the point you are at THREE YEARS later - something is REALLY wrong. For reconciliation to be successful there needs to be SOMETHING to build upon. Some small sliver of love or respect or friendship to hang on to. I hear NONE of those things in your posts. And it doesn't sound like he's done much to EARN any of those things from you. It reminds me of a story I read in a book about life "after DD". One woman tried reconciliation and in her case she had a very repentant WS who did everything he could think of to repair the relationship. But she finally realized that she looked at him like fish dropped on the floor. She said that if she dropped a cracker on the floor, she might blow it off and still eat it. But if she accidentally dropped fish on the floor, she'd throw it out. She realized after a few years that HE was that fish. No matter what he did, she just couldn't see him as "clean" again. He was still that fish. From your posts I gather that your WS has NOT done everything he can to heal you and your relationship. You still feel that he can't be honest (and today were handed proof.) May I ask - what are your reasons for wanting reconciliation?
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child DD May 2016 “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl