Kelaine53
I know that I have the right and the power to do what is "right" for me. I just don't know or trust what that is. DDay was June 18, 2016 and I thought my path would be clearer by now. By this point shouldn't I have a clear sense of which way I need to go forward. On DDay I was convinced my marriage was over, that I would never want to even be in the same room with my WH again. I left and went across the country to be away from him. I own my own business so I had to come back to take care of things even though my therapist told me to take at least 2-3 months for myself. What followed for months was me being all over the map. Deep depression to the High of HB and everything in between. My FWH was working on himself and changing everyday. That is when I thought if he keeps changing into this good, honest, sober, faithful, loving man then I will know what to do. I am finding out it does not work like that.

His affair was not a brief fling, but a LTA of over 6 years. My emotions about it are still all over the map. In the space of one day I can honestly say, I love him, I hate him, I can't do this anymore, we can make this work, I need to go away ... it goes on and on in my head until I find myself shaking.

We have been married for almost 42 years. As we dig deeper it becomes clearer that we had the classic textbook case of a co-dependent relationship. I came from a home with very strict black and white rules on behavior. I was the "good girl" who had to please everyone, particularly my father. My FWH came from the other end of the spectrum. His Dad always had a mistress. Both parents were alcoholics and he was an only child doted on by his mother.

Now fast forward to now, HOW DO I BREAK OUT OF THESE OLD PATTERN? How do I know what is right for me? Everything feels wrong.

Thank you all for listening. It helps to express the thoughts.
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UrbanExplorer
It's almost impossible for a codependent to trust your gut because you have to find out what it is saying first, right? As in, find out what your actual feelings and needs are independent of what people want and expect from you. What do you think of the book Codependent No More and the activities in it?
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