I have never understood the WSs who say they want to save the marriage - and yet act like it's a job for the BS to do. Uh no. I owe you nothing. in fact, you owe ME far more than you will ever be able to repay. Fight for the marriage and me - and MAYBE, MAYBE you will get a chance. Maybe I can regain the love and respect when you've shown yourself to a deeply changed and redeemed person for a LONG time. No promises, but maybe.
Give me some lukewarm, meek attempt - and you are sure to make whatever feelings are left turn to stone. I don't disagree with anything you've said - or your feelings about what has happened. But because what I really want for you is to be happy in the way you deserve, I will mention one thing that I found to be true for me (it may not be for you, so feel free to toss it). Anger can be such a positive force - it galvanizes us to take action, protect ourselves and establish boundaries. God knows the first 12 months I had enough fury for my husband, the AP and everyone even peripherally involved that I marvel I didn't explode. But I did find that at some point, the anger wasn't helping me any more. Instead it was taking all my emotional energy that used to go to ME - fostering my creativity, dreaming about my future, etc. And it was giving the worst thing that ever happened to me - and the people involved - WAY too much time in my head. I decided that the old adage was true - the opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifference. And I began to move the focus off of them - and what they had done to me - and focused rather on who I was and what I deserved going forward - come hell or high water. All the energy that had, for the past year, gone into elaborate fantasies of revenge or karma coming home, became a 100% focus on making a life that brought me joy. I am NOT saying not to be angry or follow through on every plan you have. Until I was ready not a damn soul could have helped me release the anger - and nor should they have. I think it was an important part of my healing. I only share to suggest that you stay mindful of when it is SUPPORTING YOU, and if at any time it stops being a force for goo in YOUR life, if it starts to take more from you than it gives, it may be time to let it go. Because you deserve happiness even more than they deserve karma.
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child DD May 2016 “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl