seventy7
I have noticed recently that I tend to have more triggers and feelings self pity when I am having a tough day at work. Have any of you experienced similar feelings? 

It has been 2.5 years since DD...and I would say that for the past 2 years, my wife has  done everything she could to try and repair the damage that she caused. Things were really rough the first year and got slightly better this past year. So far in year 3, we definitely have not had as many blowups or low points as there were in the first 2 years. However I am finding that when I get stressed at work, I give into these feelings of anger and begin questioning how she could have possibly done this to me...and if I really want to be in this marriage any longer. During these times I really struggle with visions of them together, thoughts about specific details that I know, etc. But the exact opposite happens when things are great at work, our marriage seems to be great and I couldn't imagine myself anywhere else.   

I am trying to learn to cope with these stresses, and not let them bleed over into my marriage, but I am getting stuck. I can't seem to figure it out. I have tried to talk to my wife about it, but I don't think she understands what goes through my mind. Not that she is dismissing my feelings, but I genuinely believe that waywards can not grasp how quickly your mind can shift from being happy one minute to down right depressed the next. 

Any suggestions? Thanks for your input
Male BS
D-Day 11/1/2017
It gets easier as time goes, but the pain never goes away
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Sorry
Our therapist used to call them full buckets.
Dealing with emotional stuff is exhausting and requires energy and patience when these are lacking your buckets will be full.

She encouraged us to share Our stresses with eachother and be gentle when these was a lot we were carrying.

I think we both found it very beneficial. As a WS I found that hearing what my husband was feeling. Even the unpleasant thoughts helped us to connect. If you are still in therapy I would discuss it there
 Or create a safe space to discuss it at home If not.
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anthro
There is the AA concept of HALT - hungry, angry, lonely, tired. They are risk factors for relapsing into drinking, and when I learned this it really struck me as spot on as risk factors for falling back into my own, different, kind of hole. 

Just knowing they are real risk factors takes away some of their impact I think. I am more careful about getting too tired, for example. 
Formerly known as Anthropoidape... male bs, long affair, d-day Feb 2017.
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seventy7
anthro wrote:
There is the AA concept of HALT - hungry, angry, lonely, tired. They are risk factors for relapsing into drinking, and when I learned this it really struck me as spot on as risk factors for falling back into my own, different, kind of hole. 

Just knowing they are real risk factors takes away some of their impact I think. I am more careful about getting too tired, for example. 


Thank you so much, Anthro. I did some googling last night regarding HALT. Definitely fits what I am experiencing. Immensely helpful
Male BS
D-Day 11/1/2017
It gets easier as time goes, but the pain never goes away
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Blessedby7
For me, its definitely when I'm tired, and with an almost six month old still nursing through the night and a three year old constantly coming into our bed, I don't often get a lot of sleep. I constantly have days where I just have that hopeless feeling lingering, and I can tell he doesn't know what to do with me, and is scared I'll run off again like I did last month. Since rekindling my spiritual relationship, I'm handling it much better, but it's still there, still a struggle. 
Female BS
Dday 10/12/2018

Renewing myself one day at a time. 
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BlindCheetah
I’d say stress definitely makes it all worse, right now work is stressful with unpredictable scheduling and communication problems, not helping dealing with communication problems at home. 
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