So it has been several months since my WH's AP contacted him for "work" related things and turned it into him doing something for her....and her saying "You're the best friend a girl could ever have!" .... and then he overslept and didn't do that thing for her anyway. So that is the back story....
Since then, he has been very distant. After that whole ordeal mentioned above, I demanded a no contact letter be sent to her. There are 13 other officers who she could have reached out to to do that "thing" but she texted my husband. I tried to explain to him that she was fishing to see if she still had importance in his life...he said he understood. another lie I guess because he hasn't sent the no contact letter/email/text. Plus he's been distant and seems to be avoiding me.
So about a week ago, I talked to him about how I was feeling. He of course got defensive, and angry thinking that I magically got over his 2 yr affair with her (she used to be a friend of mine for 14 years). I told him that he either does the no contact thing- and starts putting US as a priority- working a program and getting help (we cannot afford a traditional counselor so I have been taking all the online bootcamps and watching blogs and reading articles) as I can. I printed out a copy of a bootcamp for both of us- put them in a binder for him and one for me, and gave it to him. I told him if he was serious about us making it he'd start doing it.
I was putting his clothes away, and found his binder burried at the bottom of one of his dresser drawers. I am devitated. Then he injurs his back at work, and expected me to wait on him hand and foot. To be honest, I wanted to leave him in misery and just go out and have fun...but dispite all the h3ll he's put me through, I still love him, but have adopted a "tough love" approach.
Now I have plans to leave for a week to spend time with my older children for a week. He will be on his own for a whole week to see what it will be like without me. The only problem is I know he will be working 2 shifts with her.... and if the past is any indication of what will happen, they will go for a drink or two after their shift at the local festival.
I'm so done with telling him he 'can't' have it both ways, and frankly I have given up. This week away from eachother will tell me a lot. I hope it tells him a lot too- and that he wakes up. He's not been chatting with her via emai or FB (because I have blocked her on both) but if he is still carrying on over his phone/text, he's gotten smart enough to delete them right away. He says he's not and wants me to trust him....but even after a year and a half, I do not.
Has anyone else tried a trial separation and if so, how has it worked out? I'm curious because although I love him I have reached a point where I can no longer live like this. We either work on things togther (the marriage) or I work on me and leave him behind. Help please!