ssix6pack
Give me your best advice/encouragement when it comes to traveling alone after d day. 

We have only traveled together since d day. But this trip is necessary, and too far for all of us to go. After this, his traveling will come almost to an end, and only very occasional. Which will be great, because traveling here and there with so many kids is exhausting! 

We plan to use a travel plan, our pastor and elder will have copies and be additional accountability during his time away. 

But - anything else? Anything I don’t want to forget? I’m almost expecting the anticipation to be worse than the actual week itself, but who knows. 

And y’all know, we’re doing so well! I’m hoping this will further that healing, and not be a setback. 
Betrayed female
2/11/18, d day #1. 
1/2019, d day #2.
Over a decade of unfaithfulness. 
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hurting
I haven’t had to go through it, but I’m guessing constant reassurance, real life things like being on FaceTime multiple times throughout the trip, GPS tracking, talking on the phone etc will help...
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BorealJ
It's nice to see you're doing well.  Congratulations on the new family addition by the way!
My wife and kids just left a couple of hours ago to visit family and I'll be bachelor for the next couple of weeks.  2 years ago, during this annual vacation, she went to her AP for their first physical encounter.  Last year, I thought I was in a good spot when they went, but I didn't do very well at all.  This year, I'm excited to have some time for my own pursuits.  We have no travel plan or anything to keep her accountable.  We never have and she has traveled lots.  Some trips have been easy for me while others have not.  But I don't think anything put in place that gives me some sense that I am in control of her would change any of those things because I think we are all aware that we don't control other people.  That scares us when we've been betrayed, but I've chosen to use that reality to free my energy.  Worrying about all the ways she might deceive me now or dwelling on past injuries is something I have been able to realize is a big waste of my time and energy. 
Approaching travel this way is practising trust and though there will always be work that can be done to address relationship wounds, it's come time for me to start practising the things I want for the relationship.  When I practise them, my wife responds in the most positive manner.  Most recently, knowing this trip was on the horizon and not wanting it to come without us feeling connected, I chose to be vulnerable despite the fact it still scared me to do so.  For quite a while, I was doing much better personally, but not great in the relationship as I let my fear of her moods be a deterrent to moving to her in the most vulnerable and honest ways.  We were sitting in comfort because I was afraid to go into the uncomfortable territory.  It's been about a month of pursuing connection by being more vulnerable and willing to test her comfort.  I'm okay with making her squirm a little and she has been very brave in facing that discomfort, thanks in part to the personal work she's been doing to recognize and change her lifelong thought patterns.  When I move to her, she moves to me instead of hiding. She is ready for it and so am I. 
I'm not sure how to boil it down to an actionable tip, but I try to simplify the thought process by asking myself the most basic important questions. Q: What are they key components of the relationship I am pursuing?  A: Intimacy and Trust.  Q: What do I have to do to realize that goal?  A: Be vulnerable enough to show myself and provide opportunity for her to be trustworthy. 
I don't know your readiness and certainly postpartum hormones and family life might affect all of that. From the sounds of it, your husband has been addressing himself and you have taken good care of yourself.  If you can embrace the opportunity that this trip provides in terms of allowing him the space to act in a trustworthy way and pursue you through his actions, you might be freed of the more threatening feelings. 
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BorealJ
Also, it can be difficult with an infant, but are there ways for the kids to hang out with grandparents, aunts and uncles, sitters of some kind?  Anything that allows you to plan an activity that is in pursuit of yourself.  I have some good all day activities planned and looking forward to that allows me to focus on me instead of everyone else.  It has always been a part of my healing to pursue myself in the moments when my wife is away.  If the kids are with me, I plan good family activities, but it's still also nice to do something that is my own. 
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Bgreen
This was so hard for me in the beginning, and something I still struggle with. My WH travels for work so it’s often unavoidable. Fortunately AP doesn’t work so work travel was not part of the affair, but still, just being a part and not knowing is hard.

the affair destroyed my self esteem and one of the narratives I kept telling myself when WH would travel was “he’s going to realize how happy he is to be away from me and leave me”. I came to understand the only way I could counter this was to work on myself and finally feel like I am good wife and woman and if he doesn’t see it then that’s his problem. 

So so I do self care activities (hard because I also have three small kids at home), like taking bubble baths after the kids are in bed, doing puzzles and painting. I also make life easy on myself by ordering take out when he’s away and WH and I have an agreement that I don’t do any “extra” cleaning. When WH travels I focus on my kids and myself.  
Female, BS 2 years post DDay
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