seventy7
I have a feeling that July and August are going to be a minefield of triggers and hoping that you guys can help me navigate through them. I am 8.5 months post D-Day and we are doing relatively well. Still have the ups and downs, which is expected, but I would say 75% of the days are really good. 

My WS's birthday is later this month, then 5 days later is our 17th wedding anniversary. August also represents the 2 year mark since the last time she was with her AP, as well as my birthday later in the month. 

After reading through several posts, I am a little anxious about the feelings that I may encounter over the next 6 weeks. I am already feeling very anxious about our anniversary. I have told myself that date still represents and means something to me. Although the vows were broken, that is the day that I made the commitment to spend the rest of my life with her...and that is special to me. I want to celebrate it, I want to show her that it still means something to me. My WS also wants to celebrate it, and says that our anniversary still means something to her. She knows that she broke the vows, but has recommitted wholeheartedly to me and our recovery. She read that some couples completely abandon their anniversaries, stop celebrating them all together, and has anxiety about us doing that as well. I know the day will be awkward, there is no way in hell that we can treat it as "just another day". Any suggestions? what has worked for you guys?

Milestones in their affair, such as the upcoming 2 year mark since they were last physical, have been really hard for me to deal with. I end up dwelling on what happened pretty much all day. I try to use the "STOP" method, but after 12 hours of saying STOP to yourself, you realize that may not be the most constructive way of dealing with it (not to mention, people look at you a little funny in the store 😉

Thanks for any input you may have...

Keepabuzz - if you read this, I wanted to thank you again for all of your contributions to this forum. They have helped me more than you ever know. I know its your 2nd anniversary of your D-Day. I pray that you find strength in yourself to navigate this day with your wife. She seems to have made the changes that we all pray our WS will. God Bless
Male BS
D-Day 11/1/2017
It gets easier as time goes, but the pain never goes away
Quote 2 0
ssix6pack
Our wedding anniversary was like 6 weeks after d-day. It was so emotional for me. What worked best for me was to acknowledge it, and also respecting my hurt. I wrote my husband a letter and walked through our vows, my hope, my pain, and raw honesty about where I was in all of the healing/processing. He keeps the letter tucked in his Bible now. I don’t think he’ll ever move it. We tried to have a good day where we didn’t discuss anything deep - but in the drive thru, grabbing a coffee, I melted. And, we talked. It was okay in the end. You’re a bit farther along than I am, and I’m so sorry you’re facing a strand of months in which triggers will increase. 
Betrayed female
2/11/18, d day #1. 
1/2019, d day #2.
Over a decade of unfaithfulness. 
Quote 1 0
Keepabuzz
seventy7 wrote:
I have a feeling that July and August are going to be a minefield of triggers and hoping that you guys can help me navigate through them. I am 8.5 months post D-Day and we are doing relatively well. Still have the ups and downs, which is expected, but I would say 75% of the days are really good. 

My WS's birthday is later this month, then 5 days later is our 17th wedding anniversary. August also represents the 2 year mark since the last time she was with her AP, as well as my birthday later in the month. 

After reading through several posts, I am a little anxious about the feelings that I may encounter over the next 6 weeks. I am already feeling very anxious about our anniversary. I have told myself that date still represents and means something to me. Although the vows were broken, that is the day that I made the commitment to spend the rest of my life with her...and that is special to me. I want to celebrate it, I want to show her that it still means something to me. My WS also wants to celebrate it, and says that our anniversary still means something to her. She knows that she broke the vows, but has recommitted wholeheartedly to me and our recovery. She read that some couples completely abandon their anniversaries, stop celebrating them all together, and has anxiety about us doing that as well. I know the day will be awkward, there is no way in hell that we can treat it as "just another day". Any suggestions? what has worked for you guys?

Milestones in their affair, such as the upcoming 2 year mark since they were last physical, have been really hard for me to deal with. I end up dwelling on what happened pretty much all day. I try to use the "STOP" method, but after 12 hours of saying STOP to yourself, you realize that may not be the most constructive way of dealing with it (not to mention, people look at you a little funny in the store 😉

Thanks for any input you may have...

Keepabuzz - if you read this, I wanted to thank you again for all of your contributions to this forum. They have helped me more than you ever know. I know its your 2nd anniversary of your D-Day. I pray that you find strength in yourself to navigate this day with your wife. She seems to have made the changes that we all pray our WS will. God Bless


Actually this an older thread, I just looked it up and commented. Today is actually my 3rd anniversary of d-day. I warms my heart to know I have been able to be of help to others, and I certainly appreciate your prayers.

Everyone is different in the ways they navigate this terrible path. For me, the instant my wife confessed her betrayal my marriage to her was dead. There was no reviving, fixing, repairing, it was dead. It was easier for me to view the path to healing as trying to start something new. Many people look at it as repairing the marriage. We all have to find the way/view that works best for us. I don’t think one way is any better than the other.  

Many people can still celebrate their anniversary, some can’t in the first year or 2. I decided I would never celebrate it again. For me it was like celebrating a death, the death of me. To celebrate it or not is a decision that each BS has to make for themselves.  I do not believe the WS gets a say.  

Lets imagine my marriage was a car. My wife drove it recklessly, selfishly, without care for me or anyone else. Then she wrecked it. She totaled the car. I could have taken it to the body shop and had them beat the dents out, cover the scars in bondo, and repaint it. (Rug sweeping) I could have just junked the car and went out and got a new one (divorce), but my kids loved it, and it would hurt them immensely for me to do that. So I took the third option.  A frame off rebuild. Every nut and bolt removed, completed disassembled and inspected. Then put back together piece by piece. Replacing every single part that was required. This process takes much, much longer than going out and getting a new one. It is the hardest option, and it’s the option I believe the vast majority of people on this board are working on. My goal is when is done, it will be built much stronger than it was originally.  I/we are working to make it better than new, different certainly, but better.  Once a car is totaled, it can never be the same again. A rebuild of this magnitude is extremely expensive, and if the car were to be wrecked again, I would without a shadow of a doubt would junk it and go find a new, safer car.

My wife does want to celebrate our anniversary, but I will never again and I have made that clear to her. After our anniversary date last year (we did not celebrate), the second since d-day my wife asked if we could pick another date. So we could celebrate us. I wasnt ready, but her birthday months later I was, I told her we could pick another date. We havent settled on one yet, but I’m sure we will. I think I will be ok with celebrating that date, whatever it may be. 

In regards to your triggers, I wish I had a magic pill for you but I don’t. I can tell you they get easier with time. They hurt less, have less power, and you can move past them much faster. 

I wish you strength.
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
Quote 2 0
Trinity
seventy7 wrote:
 

You have some company in this space.  I too have been having a rough time and I actually think that today is D-Day for me.  I never knew the exact day but it somewhere around here.  I had a major meltdown a few days ago and my hands are still shaking from it.  SO I get your pain and where you are at emotionally.  I too was trying every distraction technique to no avail.... I was actually thinking of trying to find some quack to brain wash me .... if that's a thing ????  

I ended up crying for hours and I still get upset just thinking about the whole thing.  I sat in a cemetery near my house that has this beautiful statue of Jesus and I just balled my eyes out and prayed.  I find peace through prayer.  So for you, I think you need to find something that brings you immediate peace.... or peace on the fast track.  

You will get through it, but you already know that. 🙂

"T"
BS - DDay July 2017

O GOD, take me, break me, make me. 
Quote 1 0
GingerHoneyBunny
The more stops you try, the harder it gets. I just told her yesterday that I don't want to celebrate my birthday and our anniversary anymore. I don't want anything from her anymore. 
Male BS, D-Day 22th September 2017.
Probably a 10 to 12 month affair (I think, cause no one seems to remember anything!) 
Bleeding heart...
Quote 0 0