tobefree Show full post »
hurting
Although you clearly still love your WS, I think it’s important to acknowledge that you’re on the right path with your way of thought, in that you KNOW this cannot continue and you shouldn’t put up with his behaviour. He is hurting you more and more. As if he hadn’t done enough...

Is there anywhere else at all that you can go to leave? Family/friends? Are you looking into rentals to see what options you might have? Sometimes life does not practically let us (financially) do what we need... but I would be making this a priority if at all possible. Or kick HIM out and let him find somewhere new. I left myself, so I understand it’s easier to control what you do... but at the same time, he did this. I went and crashed on a friend’s couch, then I went back to my family.

While the 180 is certainly not easy to do, I think it would be beneficial to you to start using it if you can. What I mean is, you stop interacting with him and showing him you CARE. You pull back from the relationship and focus on you. You distance yourself from the EA and his behaviour. Stop asking, talking, looking (as hard as it is) and focus on YOU. That’s the only thing that I can think of which will help with where you are right now. Moving out essentially tries to enforce this kind of thing, but with the bonus of physical distance. It is harder when you are under the same roof, but doable...
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Damaged
Tobefree, So sorry that you are in so much pain.  It sounds like you are not married and don’t have children. I know that you have invested 9 years with this man but don’t make it 29 years! He is not marriage material! He has shown you who he is so believe him! If at all possible get out of the living situation. I know that you love him but he will only bring you a lifetime of pain!                                       If you haven’t done it yet you need to notify the AP significant other. Don’t tell your WS. He and the AP will paint you as the “ crazy GF”. Make sure you contact him directly as the AP May intercept the message. 
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