I was just 100% honest. I didn't try to hurt my husband, nor did I try to protect him. If my honest emotions/thoughts/feelings/reactions hurt him - well, that was the consequences of his actions and choices.
I did go out of my way not to be cruel or vindictive to him or the AP - not for them, but for me. Because it fit my values and who I choose to be. But beyond that, I was honest, raw and vulnerable I told him every painful, ugly thought that went through my head in the first 6-12 months. I screamed, cried, railed, wept, keened and at times, raged. If our relationship was to survive it HAD to be one built on truth - mine and his. Otherwise I was ready to walk away. I knew I'd still love him for a long time - maybe forever in some capacity. But I also knew that I loved myself and was capable of creating a new life and loving again. What I was not capable of doing was swallowing pain, pretending that I was okay when I wasn't and building a "new" marriage without fixing the issues of the old one. If I had not seen tremendous emotional growth, transparency, humility and willingness to own what he had done from my husband, I would have to leave - and he was well aware of it. I made it clear exactly what my boundaries were - and what I would need to do to self-protect (not punish) if they weren't upheld. I was only interested in a relationship that I could be myself and still be loved. Otherwise, I'd be wearing a mask in my own home Too exhausting.
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child DD May 2016 “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl