I just want to say nothing you said or did pushed him towards his AP. It's the choice he wanted to make at the time and however you reacted would have been justification for his actions/choices . Anger-see your just irrational and he miserable. Sorrow- he just can't handle seeing your reactions. Minimal response/ see you aren't really that upset you must want out too.
If he come around after you've gotten used to him not being there that just means he will have to put the effort in and earn a right to be a fixture in your life again. That's not such a bad thing.
Thank you Grace and hope
It's crazy how we take blame for a lot of thier choices. You are right, it was my anger and sorrow and pain he can't bear to see the pain but he truly lost his emotions. He can't show the kids love. He thinks his words are okay but not many actions. The shame is killing him but he still won't change because when he's with her he feels no shame or pain because it's fantasy. I pray he heals and sees the truth but we never know how long it will take.
Thank you again for your kind words.