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Trinity
Here is the truth, if you tell her everything is going to change forever, you will also be ripping her beating heart out with safety scissors.  The utter pain and damage this will cause is immeasurable.   

The saving grace for you here is that you are honestly regretful and doing your best to be a good husband and father.  Ughhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!  You posed a very difficult question.

I am a betrayed spouse and I do not want your wife to feel the depths of darkness this news will throw her shocked body into.  I do not want you to tell her.  I want you to treat her like a queen for the rest of her life.

"T"
BS - DDay July 2017

O GOD, take me, break me, make me. 
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ALRUI
I agree with Trinity, maybe the punishment for doing the deed is living with yourself in silence? I for one wish my wife never confessed and kept her fling to herself.
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Trinity
100% agree ALRUI.   There are times when self punishment far outweighs any inference from others.  
BS - DDay July 2017

O GOD, take me, break me, make me. 
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arizons
anthropoidape wrote:
I am also of the view that you should not tell her. Take it to your grave, and in the meantime treat her like your queen and never stop making up for it. 

I have to agree with not telling her. If my husbands affair ended and that witch of a woman went away and I never knew and he was devoted to me and my marriage...I would have preferred never to have known. IT leaves scares ones heart and soul. 
Female BS, D-day 1/03/2017, 
I'm going to rebuild me like a remix,

and raise my soul like a Phoenix 
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arizons
Heidi wrote:
The problem is, we are all saying what we would CHOOSE toknow. OUR choice. But she isn't getting that choice, and sadly can't without knowing the whole truth.

The OP, his AP and a whole anonymous room of Internet forum users know more about this part of his marriage than his wife does.

Somehow that doesn't sound right to me.

But telling her isn't giving her a choice either. and it sounds like the only reason he wants to tell her is for his own benefit and not hers... especially since its over and if he truely has remorse and never goes down this path again.... Save her the emotional torture and agony!
Female BS, D-day 1/03/2017, 
I'm going to rebuild me like a remix,

and raise my soul like a Phoenix 
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anthropoidape
The question is actually impossible. The hardnosed version is that you should keep quiet or tell depending on how likely it is you'll get busted in the future. If there is truly no chance that's one thing. If there is an appreciable chance of discovery in 5, 10, 20, or 30 years then that's something else. It would be nice to be able to do what's right but that train already left the station when you had the affair.
Maybe it is okay, maybe it will be okay.

BS, d-day Feb 2017, 16 mth affair.
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Trinity
  It would be nice to be able to do what's right but that train already left the station when you had the affair.


Undeniably true.
BS - DDay July 2017

O GOD, take me, break me, make me. 
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