jastiesi
Long story short, my husband had an affair starting October 2014 and I started getting trickle truth December 2014 (it was just flirting, nothing physical ever happened, etc.) but was told the "emotional affair" would end. March 2015 I discovered text messages that were inappropriate but was told once again it was just messages and nothing physical ever happened. I felt there was more so I kept digging and June 2015 I discovered at least one instance of a sexual affair from December 2014 but never found any evidence of another encounter. We are almost 1 year from DDay and have been working on our marriage and things seem to be getting better. The problem is, they still work together and there is no end to that in sight. I know people will say he MUST change jobs, but for now and for the sake of argument, that is not a possibility and I don't see her leaving anytime soon.  I want things to work out with my husband. I love him and we have two beautiful children. But I just can't see me ever truly moving past this while they work together. The constant fear and doubt will always be there when I know they see each other every single day. So what do I do? I have no idea where to go from here.
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Jennifer
Jastiesi,

That is a really hard situation to be in. I know if my husband had worked with the AP on a day to day basis it would have made recovery for me even more difficult. I applaud you for putting in the work and effort to making your marriage work. It sounds like you are both committed to making this work and I am assuming he is doing his part as well. Talking about your concerns with him could be healing if he can offer you understanding and reassurance about the situation.

If that is the case what I found the most helpful, through counseling, was focusing on me. What I mean by this is that I had to learn to get to a place where I was confident in myself and who I was so that if my husband ever left again then I knew I would be ok. This does not mean I would not be hurt or devastated but I can say that it would not destroy me. I want my marriage to last but not if affairs are part of the package. Work on you and find activities and hobbies that you enjoy that can be a healthy distraction from the worry. I took up running and found this to be beneficial for me. Finally, find a few friends who can support you and be there when you need someone to talk to.

At the end of the day, your spouse is responsible for the choices he makes. You could be the perfect wife and he may still make the decision to cheat. Worrying about his behavior will not change his actions. I know this is easier said than done but trying to get out of the routine of worry and fear by refocusing your attention could be helpful.
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