Yesterday my husband came home from work upset. I got him to tell me that he had started reading a section of a book ( The Power of a Prayer to Change a Marriage, the section on infidelity) I had asked
him to read and that it was really getting to him.
He seemed to need space, so we went about our evening routine. When we went to bed, I laid my head on his chest and noticed his heart was pounding like crazy, he seemed uncomfortable, so I turned over to read. After a few mins he started to get up. I asked him if he was ok, and he said no. I asked him what was wrong and he said everything was getting to him. I asked if he needed me to do anything and he said he needed to me to listen and not say anything until he finished talking. He told me he was lying to me and had been for a long time, that he does love me and always has but that he has never been faithful, starting before we got married. We had a pretty long conversation, then he left to drive around and clear his head. When he came home he got down on his knees and asked me to forgive him, he said he understood that I can't right now, but he hopes I can one day. He asked me to take him back and he told me he wasn't going to try to change but that he will change. He will become the man I deserve. Then he asked me to pray with him, which is something we have never really done together, at least not out loud.
I feel like God has worked on his heart and I might finally have the husband I have always wanted, but I have no idea where to go from here. We can't get back what we had, because that was a lie. We would have to build a completely new marriage. I don't even begin to know how to do that.
I'm so heartbroken, I feel sick. I feel stupid for feeling hopeful. I don't know what to do or where to go from here.