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Keepabuzz
I told my wife that I never wanted to see her rings again, that to me, it was like wearing a corpse around her finger.  That was over a year out from d-day. I bought her a new wedding band, no engagement ring. The wedding band took me forever to find something that made sense to me. It’s a simple white gold band and has a bunch of small diamonds randomly across the top. When I gave it to her I said “All those little diamonds represent the pieces of my heart and soul that you broke into all those tiny pieces”.  
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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Experiencethedevine29
Keepabuzz wrote:


I’m glad you got a laugh!  Whew! Looking back on those early days, weeks, and months, (maybe the first year), I was something to behold!


I would imagine despite the constant uphill battle every day, and the mind boggling task of navigating the s***storm, you might have been a force to be reckoned with! 💪🏻


You can wrap a turd in tin foil cover it with glitter and spray it with Chanel, it’s still a turd...


ETD🌻
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Greyes128
I wanted so badly to keep our wedding bands. My husband got us matching ones on a deployment and they were beautiful. Just not beautiful enough to stay faithful though. I made him take his off and wear his original band when I found out about his affair. He told me it meant the world to him and I remember this haunting laugh came out of me, I screamed at him everything he did to hurt me with it on. So he took it off and hid it. I asked him why he hid it and he said he thought I would take a hammer to it. To be honest I had thought of that but I wasn’t going to do it. We have new rings now but I wish we had waited till things were great between us to exchange them. 
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Dirazz
I actually did take a hammer to my husbands ring. I took it to the backyard when the kids were gone and smashed it flat. Came in left it on the kitchen counter. I later found it on my husbands dresser with a note he had written to himself. It basically said this ring was a symbol of your beautiful marriage that you ruined. When I asked why he wrote a note he said he never wanted to forget what he had done to us. He also said” did you notice even though the the ring is flat it never came apart. At the time I didn’t care about that ring and what signs he took from it staying in a perfect round flat circle. It was garbage to me. Now my ring I kept and still wear. I didn’t have any bad triggers or thoughts on my ring. I had been faithful I had been a great wife. Perfect no, but a pretty darn good one. My ring still holds true to all the vows I said to my husband. I wear it with pride. He has to look down at his hand and be reminded of why his ring is different. 
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Avellino1
Before I discovered his affair I had noticed that my husband never wore his wedding band.  Each time I mentioned it he made the excuse that he has left it in his work locker after being at the gym......Post affair I noticed he had the ring back on his finger and so in a fit of rage I told him to take it off which he did, I also took mine off.  After giving it some thought I decided to sell them both.  To this day my husband believes that I threw them down the gutter which is fine by me.  This was 3 years ago and he often talks about buying new rings as things between us are as normal as can be after adultery..  But I just cannot bear the though of us ever wearing a wedding band again....Still so painful to think that he stopped wearing it to prove to her that he was not in a committed marriage...Still so painful to think that I was wearing mine because I thought I was in a committed marriage...I too ripped up every wedding photo and am without regret...Why do I feel this way?? because I never wanted to get married in the first place and did so because he felt it was important.  I gave in because we had been together 7 years without any major issues....However I later found out that even before we married he had been having sex with a collegue.........
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Experiencethedevine29
Avellino, they’re all horrible twats when it comes to it...🙄...


ETD🌻
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Sorry
I know that most BSs might feel that a WS has no right to be contributing to this thread but I think that the trauma (unexpected at that) of the affair on the WS can also exist.

I have often compared the ex APs continued presence in my life to a harsh practice we used to have when training our dogs not to catch chickens, we used to hang the dead chicken that they had killed around their neck and make them wear it as a necklace of shame for a few days after they killed a chicken. 

I often find that I have PTSD regarding affair triggers for a similar reason. The shame, the trying to reason out what I was thinking.

When I walk into the room where we used to meet, it is a dank dirty foul smelling chemical store room,I physically want to vomit, and I cannot ever imagine or comprehend the excitement it used to create. It's just so odd. I look around it and it feels like an alien places I visited in a dream 

Three years out and I am starting to be able to go into the room to fetch things with less of an emotional repulsion. I cannot go there without a brief flashback in my mind. But I can now squash it immediately.

Another odd thing is that I grew to hate my ExAPs hometown, not that I ever went there with him, just that his ghosts where always around me when I go there. Which is infrequently. This has grown to be less of an "I hate this town it spawned a demon" to on our last visit (a week ago) a point where I enjoyed myself, my friends who life there and the tourist spots it has. His marking all over it is now gone.

It took a long time for me to untangle assosications of all of these places and thing from him directly. But the truth is that they are seperate and over time my own triggers have been less. 

We have reached the point where only seeing his wife and children (when I do not expect it) have the "gut to the stomach" expect on me. They will always remind me, for a brief second of the shame. I doubt that that trigger will ever not be there.
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anthro
I don't think there is any problem with a WS contributimg to this thread, Sorry. And I can see how a WS cod be just as affected, in time, as a BS. Actually perhaps even more so. I think I would rather have to live withy history than with my wife's although I'd prefer neither. I feel neither ashamed nor guilty. 

As BSes I think we have a tendency to assume that a WS is forever pining for therlir past affair or for a new one. I think if my wife told me what you've posted here it would probably help me, if I believed it. 
Formerly known as Anthropoidape... male bs, long affair, d-day Feb 2017.
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Sorry
anthro wrote:
I don't think there is any problem with a WS contributimg to this thread, Sorry. And I can see how a WS cod be just as affected, in time, as a BS. Actually perhaps even more so. I think I would rather have to live withy history than with my wife's although I'd prefer neither. I feel neither ashamed nor guilty. 

As BSes I think we have a tendency to assume that a WS is forever pining for therlir past affair or for a new one. I think if my wife told me what you've posted here it would probably help me, if I believed it. 


I think it depends on the Ap and the WS, I did some initial pining, but over the years my husband shows time and time again how amazing he is. It makes It pretty easy to get over someone when you realise that the one you want is the one you had all along. Think goodness I didnt lose him in discovering that he was what I wanted. 
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AnywhereButHere
That's one way to describe, even rationalize, an affair: It's "discovering that [my wife/husband] was what I wanted." Thank God my wife never served that line to me, that directly! I would probably reply with, "OK, great. Now I guess it's my turn to go out and discover that you're what I want, right? Wish me luck!"
BH, 5+ Mo EA, DDay 3/8/18
"...regarding all as God after God."
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Sorry
That's one way to describe, even rationalize, an affair: It's "discovering that [my wife/husband] was what I wanted." Thank God my wife never served that line to me, that directly! I would probably reply with, "OK, great. Now I guess it's my turn to go out and discover that you're what I want, right? Wish me luck!"


I actually found that misinterpretation of what I intended so offensive. I am sorry for your hurt and where you are, I do wish you all the luck in the world to lose the bitterness. 
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AnywhereButHere
To Sorry:

"Thank goodness I didn't lose him in discovering..." What can that mean but that 'in' your particular procedure of 'discovering' there was present the real risk that you would 'lose him'? What could you be referring to but the affair itself? If I mis-understood, then I apologize. Perhaps your intended meaning would have been made clearer if you had said, "Thank goodness I didn't lose him BEFORE discovering..." and made a better attempt to detach the affair from in any way being interpreted as contributing to your discovery. 
BH, 5+ Mo EA, DDay 3/8/18
"...regarding all as God after God."
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Keepabuzz
Of all the WS here, Sorry is one of them that “gets it” the most. I understand how things written in text can be misinterpreted, and I am sure that happened here. 

My wife did say something very similar to me. What I heard from her and I hear in Sorry’s statement is regret and remorse. She wishes very much that she had not had that affair, and that she realized how amazing the man she already had was. That’s true remorse. That is the goal. She gets it.
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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AnywhereButHere
Good news. I'm glad for that.
BH, 5+ Mo EA, DDay 3/8/18
"...regarding all as God after God."
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UrbanExplorer
I think most WS who would be on an affair healing website have deep regrets. The people who feel justified and carry on have no reason to hash it out like this and take the blowback.
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