Broken Show full post »
UrbanExplorer
Broken wrote:
i have a question it’s been 4 years since DDay and it seems everyone has moved on but me.  Here’s my question my husband has said he was physical with the affair partner one time.  I’m not sure I believe him.  Lately I’ve been tempted to ask the other woman.  What are your thoughts?  She has moved on from the affair married and had a child.  With that said I’m hoping she would have empathy as a wife and provide an honest answer.


I would not open this can of worms today. I don't  believe anything positive would come of it, just an opening of old wounds.
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hurting
I agree... the biggest thing here is what will it change for you? If it will change a LOT, then maybe... though asking the AP really doesn’t seem to be the best way to do this. If it won’t change your decision to stay, then don’t go there...
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Alexay02
I'm with Anthro on this one: will it really change anything to know this piece of information.  I think you should consider a few other things: if you do contact the AP, she may not want to speak to you at all.  Where would that leave you?  As you said, it has been 4 years, she's married with children and has put the affair behind her, she may not want to revisit that part of her life.  Another option is that she may lie to you and tell you that there was nothing sexual between them? where would that leave you?  As everyone else has said so eloquently, going down this path will not lead to any sense of relief or satisfaction, it's going to leave you with more questions.  Good luck whichever path you choose.
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Unconditional
It's been 4 years and it's still bothering you and you still have unanswered questions.  It's time to have a long sit down talk with her.  You need to get this all out in the open.  Invite your husband and her husband too this meeting.  If she does not want to meet, let her know you still have unanswered questions and you would like to give her the option to meet and discuss private setting rather than the grocery store line or her daughters graduation.  
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ABCOneTwoThree
It's been 4 years and it's still bothering you and you still have unanswered questions.  It's time to have a long sit down talk with her.  You need to get this all out in the open.  Invite your husband and her husband too this meeting.  If she does not want to meet, let her know you still have unanswered questions and you would like to give her the option to meet and discuss private setting rather than the grocery store line or her daughters graduation.  


This is kind of scary advice. 
In no way shape or form should the new husband of the ex OW be involved in this unless the ex OW decides it should be that way. He should not be invited to a “long sit down”, this literally has nothing to do with him.
If I happened to be married three years from now, and the partner of the man I was involved with contacted ME, I’d probably be pretty gracious, understanding and kind. If she contacted my husband, especially a husband who wasn’t in my life when the affair took place, I’d be livid, and it would not end well. 
Also, the suggestion that a long sit down takes the place of a public encounter sounds an awful lot like a threat. 
Formerly EasyAsABC 
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