Oh lord, that was very on point - and very visceral Anthro.
I agree that we all (BS, AP and WS) see everything through our own prism. There is not one "truth". And APs are as different as WS and BS. From innocent bystanders to schemers well aware of what they are doing - and everything in between. And even worse - what "seemed" true to BOTH the WS and the AP, may not have any relevance any more. I've shared before that my WS was dumbfounded to realize how quickly his "feelings" disappeared after DD. They'd shared "I love yous" and at the time he thought that maybe he was "falling in love". But after DD, he was shocked to realize that it wasn't hard to cut her out of his life. He was genuinely horrified to realize that he didn't even really miss her - it pointed out just how terribly selfish he'd been with another human being. His treatment of her was almost as painful to him as his treatment of me. Everywhere he looked he'd treated people like objects to meet his needs. Of course, he could be lying. But let's just say that the man I knew was cheating in three weeks is NOT that good at hiding his feelings or lying. And nothing about his behavior suggested differently. It actually pissed me off that he had broken my heart and trust over something that was clearly so easy to leave behind. I am not saying that he wasn't attracted to her and might have genuinely fallen in love with her at a different time/place. But in this situation it was all about feeling less lonely, less rejected and feeling better about himself. He'd used her as a mirror with "filters". This isn't the case with all affairs - but it seems to be common with many midlife meltdowns. My point is, if I contacted her she'd probably tell me all about how in love they were. Maybe they were, maybe they weren't - but at least for my husband, the feelings seemed to dissipate quite quickly in the morning sun. So how does understanding the bubble/fantasy they were in then - tell me anything about my life now? For me, it doesn't. But maybe I am different. I have personally experienced intense infatuation that evaporated overnight - so it's not that hard for me to understand.
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child DD May 2016 “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl