I guess I get it. I always try to put myself in my WS shoes to help me get a perspective, so that perhaps I can feel forgiveness and grace. I loved how you said,"it's literally so stupid you don't even believe it yourself" I've looked at my WS when he's lying and I know it and say, " oh come on, can you hear yourself?? You would never believe this if you heard it- never!" I just want to scream and punch walls ( I don't punch walls, but I've been known to scream into my pillow) bc I know the truth is in there inside this person who I thought I knew so well, and I just can't get at it!! Thx again for your TRUTH and insight.
Amen. The worst part is feeling trapped into those lies. Ironically, in my case it was both not wanting to face up to it, and not wanting to hurt her. See, that's where things go to your head. It's like you are literally dumb.
You know that you're in deep, a Nd it's all you can do to fend off Armageddon. So, you lie. In my mind, I was shielding my wife from knowing my actions because I didn't want her to know and feel the pain I caused here. You lie some more.
Eventually, you keep track of the story, and even when it is literally so stupid you don't even believe yourself, you stick to it.
All in the name to avoid those two things up there which can also equate to approval.
A therapist told me this was classic passive/aggressive behavior.... Something I have always hated in others.
I know this is scattered, but that's exactly how our brains are when we are in the middle of the much with no paddle. It's that messed up.