I am so sorry LittlebyLirtle that your WS has squandered the opportunity you gave him. That being said, you DO deserve far better. Follow the advice of those above and begin protecting yourself and your children.
He is definitely not acting in a healthy or rational way, so you (as unfair as it is) will need to be strong for your children, to lessen the impact of his decisions on them, not because he deserves any help - but because they are innocent bystanders of his meltdown as well. Then focus on you, get yourself some counseling if possible. If not, start reading about women who have come back from hardships, about resilience and rebuilding a life you love. This won’t be easy but it CAN be rewarding. I have known many people where you are now who found themselves a couple years down the road feeling good, happy, fulfilled. Loving the life they were living. But there were some very hard days to get to that place. But trust me on this - staying with a truly remorseful, ready to “do what it takes” spouse isn’t easy for years - and staying with one that is still lying and betraying far worse. There isn’t a path from betrayal that doesn’t have pain and hardship - only the one that leads to the best outcome for you and your children. And through your strength and willingness to look at you WS with clear eyes, you’ve figured out what that path is. Be proud of your strength, your integrity - and hold you head high.
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child DD May 2016 “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl