Have you been completely honest about your affair?
As far as I know, yes. I have finally let everything out. There are a few minor things that come out from time to time, but in the sea of lies I told, there is bound to be something I forgot here and there.
How long did it take you to be honest?
It took me at least 6 months to work up the nerve to tell my wife about the biggest thing that I was hiding to "protect" her. That is, a pregnancy and subsequent abortion.
My wife and I had problems in the past with infertility, and I knew that it would devastate her.
Do you regret what you've confessed?
The pregnancy part, yes and no. My wife was devestated by it. She told me she wished I hadn't told her. But, I couldn't hide it any longer. I needed to be straight with her. I told her just before we went to marriage counselling.
What would you do differently?
I would have come clean on the beginning I think. I am unsure whether I would tell about the pregnancy.
I would be less casual about what I shared. I got to a point where I was sharing everything, including how I was working through things. I was doing it to show my wife that I was getting rid of any emotion or attachment. But, it showed that it was still there.
The marriage counselling taught me that I should work through that myself, and if it has no bearing on the relationship going forward, then keep it to myself or go through it with a safe person.
How has your spouse responded to your honesty (or lack of honesty)?
Honestly, I know it hurts her and she still doesn't trust me. It hurts her to hear the word "I love you" or "you are beautiful."
I think that her being able to make sense of things (if that is even possible) may help her get past it.