Since an anniversary is not typically a group holiday and just shared by the couple, I say do exactly what feels right to you. I didn't want to celebrate our first anniversary after DD - and told him so. But by the second one, I wanted to do something small and intimate so we did. By the third one, it felt like there was something to celebrate - and we actually enjoyed a big night out.
However Christmas is altogether harder. Our first Christmas after was difficult and I needed it to be/feel different - I wasn't ready to be in a typical "family" Christmas when nothing felt right, genuine or real. So I decided to focus on others. I helped out family members and friends that needed painting and home repairs, cleaning and other things done around their houses. If it got me around other people in an uplifting way that was focused on their life - and not mine, I joined in. My daughter got involved too and learned how putting smiles on other people's faces can lift your own spirits. In the past I've also been involved with creating a holiday party and collecting gifts for kids in group homes, which was amazing. Visiting seniors is awesome too. Helping others, interspersed with self-care and special activities meant to allow you to enjoy the holidays with those you love besides your spouse (baking with you kids, volunteering alongside siblings or parents, caroling with friends, etc.) can really help you feel more in control of your own happiness. Take back your power and create your own magic. It won't be the same, but it can be far better than you imagine on the down days.
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child DD May 2016 “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl