TimT
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EAM
Top rated- After the Affair- a really useful book, with an outline of actions and exercises to help find common ground again.

How to help Your Spouse heal from Your Affair by Linda MacDonald is another good one i'm studying. It has specific advice on what one who wishes to rebuild the marriage can be doing, and good insights into being a resilient rebuilder. It echoes much of the material found on this site.
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TimT
EAM wrote:
How to help Your Spouse heal from Your Affair by Linda MacDonald is another good one i'm studying.


I've not read it but just ordered it to review. Thanx for the recommendation!
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Searching4
I would recommend How to Help Your Spouse Heal..." Also. It is not only a great guide for the betrayer in helping to understand their spouse's needs, it also validates the emotions of the betrayed.

A short, concise read.
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TimeToFly
I would highly recommend "Without This Ring" by Abby Rodman. As it says on the cover it is "A Woman's Guide to Successfully Living Through and Beyond Midlife Divorce". It's very well written & easy to read. There's a chapter dedicated to affairs as well. I ordered it from Barnes & Noble but it's also available on Amazon.
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Intuition77
The dance of anger a woman's guide to changing the patterns in intimate relationships by Harriet Lerner.

It's not an affair book. But it helped me in setting boundaries,understanding my own needs and how I was denying them, and basically it's really good at teaching what is in your control. For example: I can't control my husband dismissing my feelings but I CAN control how I let him affect my life.

Just a caution that i would personally refrain from directly applying the problem solving communication skills to an Unhealed marriage like mine where the CS is not accepting responsibility-I just think it would require a level of vulnerability for the betrayed that isn't safe in that instance. I say that because there we're a few id have liked to try but quickly realized a CS like mine would use it to blame. It also helped me identify how we create patterns in relationships and how to change our own involvement in those patterns.
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TimT
Intuition77 wrote:
The dance of anger a woman's guide to changing the patterns in intimate relationships by Harriet Lerner.


Thank you for this recommendation. I will definitely check it out!
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HonestWife
I loved Frank Pittman book private lies intimate betrayal. Excellent. Goes into the different kinds of philanderers and the lies they tell to cover up and his to understand it. He also goes over the damage to the children. Private Lives: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy
Trying to make marriage work after my husband's 15 years of affairs. Just found out. Currently in house separation.
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Kalmarjan
I have come across a book called "No More Mr Nice Guy" in trying to figure out what lead me to do what I did. A lot of points register and hit home for me, so I was wondering about that.
Tim, what do you also think about Myer Briggs testing? I tested a while ago and ended up finding out that I was an ENFP.
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Anna26
I've just done the Myer Briggs test online ( simply had to go and find out what you meant)  I was an 'INFJ' ,apparently only one percent of population are this.  Absolutely fascinating and spot on with everything it said. 
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TimT
Kalmarjan wrote:
...Tim, what do you also think about Myer Briggs testing?...


It's probably the most popular and reliable personality assessment out there. It tends to offer a good perspective into a person's "type" and can be helpful in understanding how different people respond uniquely to situations and relationships. It offers significant, but far from exhaustive, insight why we do what we do.
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Anna26
I'm currently reading:  Infidelity, A Survival Guide, by Don-David Lusterman. Ph.D

I'm only a small part of the way into it but already I've discovered a really interesting and explanatory few pages to do with Love and Infatuation, Married Love v Affair Love, and the different types of affair.  It's easy to read, not heavy going and so far, I'm hooked....

I sourced mine second hand on ebay, but I've also seen it on Amazon.com and co.uk  and there is a recommendation from Peggy Vaughan on the back, so probably written quite some time ago, but very insightful.
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SuzieQ
Has anyone ever tried "Torn Asunder" or its companion workbook? What did you think?
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surviving
Yes, my husband read it.  It is helpful, but not very scholarly.  If that helps.
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TimT
SuzieQ wrote:
Has anyone ever tried "Torn Asunder" or its companion workbook? What did you think?

I respect the work of Dave Carder. He's put out some helpful material with good insight. Readers should know he comes from a strong Christian perspective and defines "types" of affairs in a particular way (which can be helpful, but certainly is just his way of categorizing them).

In my opinion, I would not encourage couples to use the workbooks. Not because they've got bad information, but more because they are not interesting or engaging at all. My guess is that they would feel like required homework and couples would lose incentive to complete very many of the exercises unless they were in some kind of accountability group.

By the way, this was a significant reason for me deciding to write the Affair Healing manuals. The Torn Asunder workbook is the only one I came across (without spending a lot of money) and I wanted to put out something I believed would be more useful to couples working through recovery together.
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