I am late coming onto this but just found this forum. What you wrote could have been written almost word for word by my H. Same story, he was in a 5 year long affair and is now in love with AP and wants a divorce. He dragged his feet in leaving me for a very long time until we separated. He was getting pressure from AP because she has since divorced her husband due to this affair and she wants a sure thing. Neither can be alone so at the expense of their BS hearts the only think of themselves. Let me tell you coming from the BS this is the most painful thing you can do to your wife and family. I can't feel bad for H or AP since both destroyed and crushed two innocent families. The part you need to think about is that you are only thinking of YOUR happiness ultimately. You will be hurt no matter what choice you make. I have a hard time feeling any sympathy for AP either as she was doing the same deceitful thing to her H. Selfish. Heartless. Hurtful beyond words. I was the loyal wife who stood by H through all of this for years hanging onto hope while dying inside. The most devastating thing you can do is wait to leave until it's convenient for you. Leave before you do more damage and figure yourself out. I can only hope you some day appreciate what you gave up with your devoted wife and wonder if it will be worth it. I am in her shoes. It is the most painful thing in the world. It is a feeling I cannot describe. You put her life on hold while you have your other life then flip flop no knowing what to do. Don't mess with hearts of loyal people just because you don't want to be without someone. Don't wait until you have a "sure thing" to leave. My heart aches beyond what I can describe and I just want you to know how devastating this is for your wife. Please leave and be alone without W or AP until you figure yourself out. I hope you can one day see how wrong this is. I am sure you have developed feelings for AP, but how can you be happy knowing what you were doing to another human being. I'm sorry if I sound rough but I am living in the middle of this hell right now and there are days I don't know how to cope. If you were the BS in this situation you would know the feeling and I can guarantee you would never do this again. I only wish you could know that feeling. God Bless and I hope you learn from this and change your ways.
Female BS, two kids age 10 & 13
Married 16 years, together for 23 years total D Days - Feb 2013, June 2015 and Sept 2017 All with the same OW Separated