ghea00 Show full post »
Tapered
I am a BS. i am normally a calm person, but ever since i found out that my WS was texting, skyping, calling the AP several times a day since February 2015, I've become this crazy woman. He has sent her and her kids gifts, souvenirs from his out of town trips, money many, many times. My WS even planned his birthday weekend with AP and her kids last February. Unfortunately, against better judgement, i called and texted the AP several times (4x) this year. I tried to call her in late August of this year, but she never answered her cell or house phone. I have texted her at least 4x and the last two times, I have called her bad names. In August, she finally responded to my text. She called me immature, messed up, jealous, b---h, and many other names. i informed her that she and my husband has crossed the lines, he is married and it is not okay to be doing what they are doing. My husband says that the AP is his best friend. I have told him that what he is doing is inappropriate and is hurting our marriage. He has a separate phone ( I don't even know the number and a separate FB account that i am not included) which he uses to call her. He has locked me out of our phone accounts for several months now so i am unable to access how many times they are calling and texting. Just to add, last year, she sent my husband five naked photos of herself. She said that the pictures were sent by accident. 
I am in agreement with you. I should have never contacted the AP. My husband has defended her, put her on a pedestal, over emphasize her importance and we have become more emotionally and physically distant. He has told me this year the many things BS does not want to hear; I don't love you like before, I want a divorce, I wanted to leave 14 years ago, I'm retiring -----, where are you retiring, and many other hurtful things. He says he wants a divorce, but it would be too expensive. 
I told him a few days ago to please print out the itemized phone calls from his regular cell phone and his private cell phone. i told him that I would apologize to him and AP if I see that he has not been calling her like he says. He flatly refuses to to print the itemized bills out. I am out of patience and feel hopeless. I believe the affair has been going on for over a year now. When do you give up? i have been married 30 years.



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ghea00
Thank you Intuition 77 for sharing your story. I am so sorry that you had to go through that. My WS has said some pretty mean things since dday whenever he feels backed in a corner. Talk about being kicked when you are down. He would immediately apologize and say he didn't mean it, but some words you just can't take back. They stick with you.
Last night was a big step backwards for us. After talking for hours he finally admitted that he had given my phone number to AP after I found out. So she would know it was me if I tried to call. He didn't want her talking to me. He says that he was desperate. That he lied about some things in order to keep me. he feels that if I knew the whole truth I would leave him and wants any chance he can get to keep his marriage. How selfish is that?
I am so tired right now. I specifically told him NO MORE LIES. So, now I have to figure out what my next step is. Do I still try to work on this marriage or stick to my word and leave because he lied again... I have absolutely no idea what to do.

ngochangco, thank you for sharing as well. You have been married for 30 years? I know that this has to be so difficult for you. I wish you didn't (any of us) have to go through this. As crazy as I feel inside, I am pretty sure I will NOT contact the AP. Sounds like from all that have responded, it would be more hurtful than helpful.
Are you living together right now or separated? Are you getting any IC?
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Tapered
To ghea00
My husband and I still live together. He refuses counseling. I went to see a License Family Therapist twice and from the first session recommended that I move forward with my life because my husband has shown me through his actions and words, for almost s year now, who is more important in his life----the AP. My husband continues to deny the affair, but continues to be so secretive about his relationship with her. He asked me at one point, "What has she done to you that you call her a b---h and hate her?"

I never quite understood the pain of BS. Now I know. I feel for all BS. My WS does not seem sorry or show any remorse for what he is doing. I've heard the WS eventually wakes up from the "fog." How long does that take? I've read that the probability of marriages that start out as affairs do not have a very good outcome.
My sister-in-law is on her third marriage. She is married to her AP. They've been together about 8 or almost 9 years. They live in a different state, but from what I hear from my mother-in-law, they are very happy.

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Merry
I did contact the AP by phone, with my husband sitting beside me.  I introduced myself and told her I knew she had been fornicating with my husband.  I had just a few more things to say to her; I did not ask for any information.  The call was short and she replied,"Tell him to never call me again."  That was it.  

I don't know if he ever talked to her again; I would like to believe not.  I do know I am not going to follow him around.  I also know it is not my place to tell her husband.  If possible, maybe he can live without having to face the pain an affair causes.  To me, she is the lowest of the low!  I doubt she has confessed this to her priest.

You do need to know what you want to know about your husband's discretion.  It has been a hard thing to live with the knowledge that my husband is not to be trusted; I, like you, held him above such stuff.  I thought he was an honorable man that would not stoop to such crummy behavior. TRUST and RESPECT are the hardest things to regain!  I wish you luck in dealing with this and the peace of mind that helped me...
Put it in God's hands. 
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