My husband's affair lasted three years. I'm about 9 months out from DDay. Still not sure if I will stay or leave. We talk about it often and I can understand some things concerning the affair but one thing I am truly struggling with is the duration of it. He says he never stopped loving me and never wanted to leave me - it was just sex. He says throughout the three years he knew it was wrong and wanted to end it at times. He even attempted to at least one (albeit halfheartedly).
The last half year of his affair is when I started noticing a change in him. Prior to that I had no idea of the affair and during those six months I never suspected an affair. I just saw a change in his behavior. He was not happy and he was pulling away from me. He says it's because the affair was wearing on him and really started to weigh him down during that time. That's when he really started to hate what he was doing and wanted to get out but he says he didn't know how. It didn't end until I discovered the affair. The next morning my husband called and ended it. He says she has not tried to contact him since.
So two questions come to mind:
- He says he wanted out, tried several times but she didn't take the hint, felt like he was stuck and didn't know how to get out. How much did he really want out and how hard did he really try when in the end all it took was one brief phone call?
- Why, for the love of all that is holy, why did it take him so long to wake up? Why did it take 2.5 years before the knowledge of what he was doing started to weigh so heavily on him? 2.5 years of daily lies, 2.5 years of saying he loves me but sleeping with someone else, 2.5 years to get to come to a realization that maybe he shouldn't be doing this?