minnie16
I'm 2 years and 9 months out from d-day now, and I still think about the other woman a LOT.  She was 20, and my WS and I are in our 60's.  I actually googled her the other day (not smart) and she looks amazing and is doing all kinds of interesting things.  She and my husband had sex in our house, so her "ghost" is still there for me. (cant move financially, though). The MAIN problem for me is when trying to have physical relations. The pictures of them together in my head overwhelms me to the point where I don't enjoy sex.. it's a real struggle and we basically both feel it's not worth the effort anymore.  No sex for 3 months and I don't see any in the future.  I am seeing a therapist.. I've made progress on forgiveness and looking forward.... why am I so stuck on her and them together (especially in sex)?  I feel like giving up.. I'm so sick of fighting this. 
D day June, 2016
ws affair: 18 months sexual affair plus 2 years emotional affair after. Ow 20 yrs old; WS 60
live in Texas
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Vanessa
Are the good aspects of your marriage good enough to compensate for the bad (not having enjoyable sex)?  Only you can decide.

However, at the risk of offending a lot of people, let's think coldly and rationally about the AP.  She was nearly a child and lacked the self confidence to be a woman.  Instead she chose to be a "side piece" getting the bits of his time and affection while he remained married to you.  No one with healthy morals is interested in sleeping married person.  Like most children she wanted what she wanted when she wanted it.  So she CHOSE to sleep with your husband.  And your husband loved the ego boost of the attention of a young female.  But that is really what is was - each of them used the other to get something for themselves.  There was nothing special or amazing about her - she was just different. 

You are lovable just the way you are!
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arizons
minnie16 wrote:
I'm 2 years and 9 months out from d-day now, and I still think about the other woman a LOT. 

 She and my husband had sex in our house, so her "ghost" is still there for me


Oh how I know how you feel!  The only thing different is my husbands ex-ap was old enough to be his mother. We are in our late 30's and she is in her early 60's. Her ghost still haunts my house.... she started an affair with my husband while renting a room in our house......

I agree that 

1. No one with healthy morals is interested in sleeping married person.

2. It was an ego boost to her low self esteem.

3. She was and is nothing special... only different and EASILY available.

I now pity the old Sea Hag of a creature..... But yes....I am coming up on 2 years since D-day...and I still thoughts of HER creeping into my mind.
Female BS, D-day 1/03/2017, 
I'm going to rebuild me like a remix,

and raise my soul like a Phoenix 
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notemanj
As I’ve mentioned a couple of times on here, my H’s AP is suing us. Because I was mean to her when I first found things out. Her claim is based on a privacy right. Claiming that because she and my H “intended to keep their extramarital affair private” I violated her right to privacy by telling friends what he did. I can’t help that she decided to have an affair with a co-worker and we have mutual friends. 

So, obviously, she is still on my mind. But she would have been anyway. She still works with him. She was 23 when their affair started. I have PTSD and she got a promotion. The unfairness of it all continues to smack me in the gut from time to time. 

We have a family. And a mortgage. And she lives in an apartment and drives a car that was given to her for her college graduation. And now we have not only the money that was spent on her and lost overtime at work so he could be with her, but also a $5000 retainer that won’t even begin to cover everything if we have to go to trial. She shouldn’t win, but if she does, does she get to f**k my husband AND get my house?!?!

Yet, there is a little part of me that is tickled pink that she is still upset. Upset enough to be willing to walk into a courtroom and have to tell the court, in front of her mother, that she had sex with a married man and now wants paid for it. 

There is is another thread on here that I just didn’t have the energy to reply to about not calling the AP a whore. I think my H’s qualifies pretty clearly at this point. 
Wishing everyone here peace and healing!

Female BS Married 18 yrs
DDay 3/7/2017 through 4/2019 and counting. 
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arizons
notemanj wrote:
As I’ve mentioned a couple of times on here, my H’s AP is suing us. Because I was mean to her when I first found things out. Her claim is based on a privacy right. Claiming that because she and my H “intended to keep their extramarital affair private” I violated her right to privacy by telling friends what he did. I can’t help that she decided to have an affair with a co-worker and we have mutual friends. 

So, obviously, she is still on my mind. But she would have been anyway. She still works with him. She was 23 when their affair started. I have PTSD and she got a promotion. The unfairness of it all continues to smack me in the gut from time to time. 

We have a family. And a mortgage. And she lives in an apartment and drives a car that was given to her for her college graduation. And now we have not only the money that was spent on her and lost overtime at work so he could be with her, but also a $5000 retainer that won’t even begin to cover everything if we have to go to trial. She shouldn’t win, but if she does, does she get to f**k my husband AND get my house?!?!

Yet, there is a little part of me that is tickled pink that she is still upset. Upset enough to be willing to walk into a courtroom and have to tell the court, in front of her mother, that she had sex with a married man and now wants paid for it. 

There is is another thread on here that I just didn’t have the energy to reply to about not calling the AP a whore. I think my H’s qualifies pretty clearly at this point. 


I cannot even fathom her winning something like that in court!!! Gawd, I prayer you get a woman judge who knows the pain that you are going through that can embarrass the hell out of her!
Female BS, D-day 1/03/2017, 
I'm going to rebuild me like a remix,

and raise my soul like a Phoenix 
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Keepabuzz
What a piece of work!  Expectation of privacy?!?!?!  If it wasn’t so infuriating, it would be hilarious!  I am so sorry that you have to go through this.  

I have not done anything to my wife’s former AP. Lord knows it isn’t for lack of ideas. I just knew that I, but more importantly my kids would pay a hefty price for that vengeance.  BUT, if he had not slithered away, never to be heard from again, I had a full plan to destroy every aspect of his life, all legally of course, but complete destruction. 

On a side note: I will call him whatever I want, where ever I want, whenever I want, to whoever I want, for as long as I want.  I have earned that right......
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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arizons
Keepabuzz wrote:

On a side note: I will call him whatever I want, where ever I want, whenever I want, to whoever I want, for as long as I want.  I have earned that right......

I am with Keepabuzz on this. We have more then earned the right!!!
Female BS, D-day 1/03/2017, 
I'm going to rebuild me like a remix,

and raise my soul like a Phoenix 
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notemanj
It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so obscene! It sounds like a freaking soap opera to me! 
Wishing everyone here peace and healing!

Female BS Married 18 yrs
DDay 3/7/2017 through 4/2019 and counting. 
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notemanj
Celebrating Xmas with my Mom and kids. I am overwhelmed by the fact that the AP’s  ghost is here! How dare she interrupt my mother’s Christmas by entering my head! (I know it’s my fault she’s here in my head.) But really! It’s been 2 years. And even if my WH was too much of a coward to tell me the whole truth until a few months ago, this effing law suit is ruining even more for me. What did I ever do to deserve this?!?! I hope she is somewhere out there 10x more miserable than I am right now. 
Wishing everyone here peace and healing!

Female BS Married 18 yrs
DDay 3/7/2017 through 4/2019 and counting. 
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anthropoidape
notemanj wrote:
Celebrating Xmas with my Mom and kids. I am overwhelmed by the fact that the AP’s  ghost is here! How dare she interrupt my mother’s Christmas by entering my head! (I know it’s my fault she’s here in my head.) But really! It’s been 2 years. And even if my WH was too much of a coward to tell me the whole truth until a few months ago, this effing law suit is ruining even more for me. What did I ever do to deserve this?!?! I hope she is somewhere out there 10x more miserable than I am right now. 


I think you can safely assume that some painful life lessons and misery are coming her way. Not because of karma but because she is clearly highly maladjusted and incapable of normal relationships. Anyone wasting their energy on causing drama, the way she is, is not going to find much love or fulfilment. 
Maybe it is okay, maybe it will be okay.

BS, d-day Feb 2017, 16 mth affair.
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notemanj
A day later. And the sadness is overwhelming me. On Thursday my attorney is supposed to contact hers. How is this my life? I did everything right. I got married before I had kids. I finished law school before I got married. I married a man with a good family. I come from a sh**ty childhood. I knew what to look out for. And I still got blindsided. How is this my life?
Wishing everyone here peace and healing!

Female BS Married 18 yrs
DDay 3/7/2017 through 4/2019 and counting. 
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notemanj
Thank you all for your caring support. It means so much to me and I don’t even know any of you!
Wishing everyone here peace and healing!

Female BS Married 18 yrs
DDay 3/7/2017 through 4/2019 and counting. 
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Kiki
Nine of this is fair and I feel terribly for you.  But this will make you a stronger person.  I know that sounds like a cliche but it is so true. You are a good person, believe and have faith that it will all work out some how. Just try to stay positive. Like you said before, her case is bogus. She is just a sad human being with nothing.  You have many things to be grateful for.  Keep a gratitude journal. Focus on all the good you have in your life. Take care of yourself!!! 
D-Day#1 Dec 19, 2017
D-Day#2 Jan 13, 2018
5 year “on/off affair”
Separated

Married 25 years, together 35
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Sorry
"Her claim is based on a privacy right. Claiming that because she and my H “intended to keep their extramarital affair private” I violated her right to privacy by telling friends what he did."

Okay a I am not a laywyer but I know that in south african law any "contract" to do something illegal or against social rules (common law) is null and void.
So her agreements and intentions to keep an affair a secret is not your problem
 You also never made any such agreement with her. 

It sounds like she is a "taker" and to be honest I would actually approach that scenario with some of her own medicine, counter sue her for everything You can think of, replacement costs of a new bed, linen, emotional damages, being a skank. Make her really rethink what she is doing. If You can (and are prepared to go through with It) taker this public. I am sure that your community would be fascinated to learn that such clueless and social deprived turds live among them. Take to social media, Make her a household name. 

It sounds like she is really trying to destroy You and she has absolutely no right to do So. It Make Me angry on your behalf. Drop us her facebook details, we will happily lead a campaign to remove her from your like (this probably wont help your court case)

The "crazies" should not be allowed to sabotage other peoples lives!

On a plus through KARMA will get her, The fact that she is So ashamed by what she did and people think of her that she is prepared to try to get a court of law to try to "paint her innocent" tells you that she has a sh1tload of stuff coming her way.
She would be worthy of pity If she was not creating So much drama in your life.
(by The way I am a WS,  and she makes me even more ashamed of my actions case I now fall into The some category as her)
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Sorry
notemanj wrote:
Thank you all for your caring support. It means so much to me and I don’t even know any of you!


I am pretty sure that you are an amazing mother and that those precious children of yours are learning resilience and tenacity. 

It is awful that you are suffering So much, but The good choices that you have Make in how you life your own life are probably what are enabling you to keep it all together right now. You managed to get his far through life with minimal baggage So that you could now carry everyone elses. Its not fair, at all, but I dont think someone who had issues would be able carry what you are carrying as gracefully as you are carrying it.
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