I have given my husband the "letting go" letter and I have completely stepped back from our marriage. I am now doing the 180
and have a time frame where I need to see change and commitment if we are to stay married.
Sandy - I asked him that very question about what he would do if this was his daughter, what would he advise. His answer - don't ask me questions I don't know the answer to. How can I possibly know what I would say to her. He just avoided it because he knows what he would say to her - get rid of him. Yes, it does affect the children as you say - I am very low, emotional, often quickly irritated, not sleeping well, distant.........no matter how much I try, I cannot hide it all from them.
I am actually wondering if the 180 might shake him into the ending the affair
, but by then it might be too late. The release I feel from finally stepping back is immense, and the thought of going back to the marriage and trying to forgive him and start fixing things again seems like such a huge task. I am not sure I want to try anymore. It's just all been so exhausting. We are still living in the same house, and haven't said anything to the children at this stage....but apart from that it's like separate lives, and for me it's a far happier place to be at the moment.
I can feel the despair in your post, but I'm glad you feel relieved, it's so draining.
Of course he knows what he would say to his daughter in that situation, but won't speak up. It's not a trick question, it's not rocket science.
As others have said, the 180 is for you to detach, not to make him end the affair. It's to prepare for a life without him.
It's about you focussing on yourself and your children.
So you would arrange activities with your kids (excluding him)
You ramp up your social life, by catching up with friends and go out in the evenings
Get out for walks or the gym, or take part in a sport you enjoy
Don't be glum (although I'm sure you feel that way). Appear neutral
Treat yourself to something like a massage or something. Do it for YOU